THERE'S 2 WAYS YOU CAN LOOK AT ANYTHING IN THIS LIFE.
TAKE MY JOB, FOR INSTANCE.
I COULD GET UP EVERY MORNING
AND GO... [WHINING]
"I DON'T WANNA GO AND HELP A BUNCH OF KIDS.
I'M TIRED."
BUT I DON'T.
I GET UP AND PUT ON MY SHIRT AND MY TIE,
AND I SAY, "HOT DOG, LET ME AT 'EM!"
DO YOU ACTUALLY SAY THE WORDS "HOT DOG"?
YES, I DO.
I KNOW YOU'RE STRUGGLING.
THAT'S WHAT THEY MADE GUIDANCE COUNSELLORS FOR--
I TO HELP YOU.
UNDERSTAND YOU'VE JUST BEEN THROUGH PUBERTY.
YOU GUYS ARE TALL. I'M SURPRISED
YOU FIT THROUGH THAT DOOR, QUITE FRANKLY. OK?
A LOT OF TIMES YOU MIGHT SEE,
MAYBE YOU'RE TAKING A SHOWER OR SOMETHING,
AND YOU GO, "WHAT ARE THESE?"
"WHAT'S THAT?"
BUT YOU FEEL ALONE AND CONFUSED,
AND YOU DON'T THINK ANYONE UNDERSTANDS.
WELL, I DO.
LOTS OF PEOPLE DO,
EVEN MR. ALICE COOPER.
BET YOU DON'T THINK HE'S A SQUARE, DO YOU?
NO, MAN. ALICE COOPER ROCKS.
DO YOU KNOW THIS SONG?
LINES FORM ON MY FACE AND HANDS
LINES FORM FROM THE UPS AND DOWNS
I'M IN THE MIDDLE WITHOUT ANY PLANS
I'M A BOY OR GIRL, AND I'M A MAN
OR WOMAN.
I'M 18
I GET CONFUSED EVERY DAY
18, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY
18, I GOTTA GET AWAY
COME ON, NICK, FILL IN THOSE DRUMS THERE, WILL YA?
[GUITAR BREAK]
AW, YEAH! YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT?
IS THIS MAKING ANY SENSE AT ALL?
I THINK IT IS.
WHOA-OH
OH, MY GOD.
THAT WAS BRUTAL.
I'VE NEVER HATED ALICE COOPER
AS MUCH AS I DO RIGHT NOW.
GUYS, MR. ROSSO'S REALLY GOOD AT THE GUITAR.
SOME OF THOSE CHORDS ARE HARD.
LINDSAY. WHAT?
YOU'RE NOT GONNA SING AGAIN, ARE YOU?
NO. I WAS HAVING FUN IN THERE,
BUT I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
WHY?
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THEM.
YOU'RE A DIFFERENT BREED.
I'M JUST WORRIED BECAUSE, BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO START APPLYING FOR COLLEGES.
AND IF YOU KEEP GOING THE WAY YOU'RE GOING,
SOME OF THOSE COLLEGES MAY NOT WANT YOU.
WELL, MAYBE I DON'T WANT THEM.
YOU KNOW, NOT EVERYBODY IN THIS WORLD
HAS TO GO TO COLLEGE.
YOU KNOW WHO DIDN'T GO TO COLLEGE? EINSTEIN.
THOMAS EDISON.
[INDULGENT SIGH]
FRANK.
FRANK WHO?
THE DUDE WHO PUMPS MY GAS.
JUST SAYING.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY DREAMWORKS TELEVISION. L.L.C.
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY REPUTATION
LIVIN' IN THE PAST, 'S A NEW GENERATION
GO AND DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO
AND THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNDO
AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO
NOT ME
WHAH! NO!
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO
NOT ME
ME, ME, ME, ME
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY REPUTATION
I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID OF ANY DEVIATION
AND I DON'T REALLY CARE IF YOU THINK I'M STRAN
I AIN'T GONNA CHANGE
AND I'M NEVER GNA CARE 'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION
NOT ME!
LINDSAY, AUNT JUDY AND UNCLE GARY
SENT YOU A BIRTHDAY CARD.
WHAT IS IT?
OH, MY GOD.
THEY SENT ME $300 FOR MY COLLEGE FUND.
WOW.
THROUGH THE MAIL?
SHE'S LUCKY THAT WASN'T INTERCEPTED
BY SOME JUNKIE WORKING FOR THE POST OFFICE.
KIDS, YOUR DAD HAS A LITTLE TREAT FOR US TONIGHT.
HAROLD?
OH, YES. I WAS VISITING MR. PRIEH
AT HIS STORE TODAY.
AND HE WAS SELLING A GAME
THAT MY FAMILY AND I USED TO PLAY
WHEN I WAS A KID-- EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT.
PIT.
"PIT"?
PIT.
SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
IT IS.
IT'S A STOCK-TRADING GAME.
WE ALL YELL ACROSS THE TABLE AT EACH OTHER
TRYING TO GET THE OTHER PLAYERS TO TRADE STOCKS WITH US.
SO WE ALL SIT AROUND THE TABLE, AND YOU YELL AT US?
YOU DO THAT TO US EVERY NIGHT.
Jean: I THINK IT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
YEAH, WELL, HAVE A GOOD TIME.
I'M GONNA GO OUT ON FRIDAY NIGHT.
OH, YEAH. ME, TOO.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU TWO ACTING
AS THOUGH YOU DON'T BELONG TO A FAMILY.
YOU ACT LIKE YOU'RE STAYING AT A HOTEL
AND WE'RE YOUR EMPLOYEES.
WELL, GUESS WHAT? WE ARE NOT YOUR EMPLOYEES.
WE'RE YOUR PARENTS.
NOW, WE CREATED YOU, AND WE DESERVE RESPECT.
WE RESPECT YOU.
OH, YOU CAN HARDLY STAND TO BE AROUND US.
WHEN YOU TWO WERE KIDS, YOU USED TO RUN AROUND NAKED
AND LAY IN BED WITH US ALL NIGHT.
WE BATHED YOU,
AND WE CLEANED YOUR BUTTS WHEN YOU POOPED.
AND WE LOVED IT.
NOW WE TRY TO PAT YOU ON THE HEAD,
AND YOU RUN FOR THE HILLS.
WELL, I'M FED UP.
WE ARE GOING TO BE CLOSE FROM NOW ON,
WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
WE ARE GOING TO SPEND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER,
AND WE'RE GOING TO ENJOY IT, DAMN IT!
THWEIRS ARE PLAYING PIT THIS FRIDAY.
GET USED TO IT.
NATURAL SELECTION IS A PROCESS
IN WHICH WEAK AND INFERIOR GENES
ARE WEEDED OUT OF THE GENE POOL.
MANY OF YOU MAY KNOW THIS CONCEPT
BY ITS MORE POPULAR NOM DE PLUME--
SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
WELL, THAT MIGHT BE MR. DARWIN NOW.
HI.
I'M MAUREEN SAMPSON.
I'M A TRANSFER STUDENT.
OH. WELL, UH, GRAB A FREE SEAT.
ALWAYS ROOM FOR ANOTHER HEAD ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK.
[FRENCH POP SONG PLAYING]
YOU ARE THE ONE
HI.
I SAW RONALD REAGAN KISSING A MONKEY ON TV LAST NIGHT.
ON THE NEWS?
NO, NO, NO. IT WAS IN A MOVIE.
HE'S A PRETTY GOOD ACTOR.
SO WAS THE MONKEY...
UH, HI.
I'M SORRY. IS THIS YOUR TABLE?
WELL, WE DON'T OWN IT,
BUT WE KINDA SIT HERE EVERY DAY.
I CAN SIT SOMEWHERE ELSE.
NO, NO, NO. PLEASE.
JOIN US.
SO.WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?
FLORIDA. MY DAD WAS TRANSFERRED HERE
TO WORK FOR GENERAL MOTORS.
REALLY? MY DAD DRIVES A COUP DE VILLE,
SO WE'RE PRACTICALLY RELATED.
[CHUCKLING]
SO, ARE PEOPLE NICE HERE?
SOMETIMES.
YOU GOTTA BE CAREFUL WHO YOU HANG OUT WITH.
THERE ARE A LOT OF CHARACTERS IN THIS SCHOOL.
SO, WE SAW YOU IN OUR BIOLOGY CLASS.
HOW DID YOU LIKE IT?
UH, IT WAS OK.
TEACHER SEEMED KINDA WEIRD, THOUGH.
ONCE HE RAN OVER AN OLD LADY,
AND THEN HE BLAMED IT ON HIS CAR.
HE SAID THE ACCELERATOR GOT STUCK.
REALLY? WE HAD THIS TEACHER AT OUR SCHOOL,
AND THIS GUY BROKE INTO HIS HOUSE,
SO THE TEACHER SHOT HIM.
WITH A GUN?
YEAH, BUT HE DIDN'T GO TO JAIL,
'CAUSE I GUESS IF SOMEONE BREAKS INTO YOUR HOUSE,
YOU'RE ALLOWED TO SHOOT HIM.
OUR SH
OP TEACHER GOT HIS HAIR CAUGHT IN A LATHE
AND THEN HE GOT HIS WHOLE SCALP TORN OFF
AND NOW HE HAS TO WEAR A WIG.
OUR SHOP TEACHER GOT HIS PINKY CUT OFF
BY THE RADIAL ARM SAW.
AND WHEN THEY TRIED TO SEW IT BACK ON,
SO N IT DIDN'T FIT ANYMORE.
OW EVERYONE CALLS HIM PINKY TUSKADERO.
[LAUGHING]
I'M REALLY GLAD I SAT HERE.
YOU GUYS ARE NICE.
YOU'RE REALLY NICE.
UM, WOULD YOU MIND SHOWING ME THE ROPES AROUND HERE?
SURE. WE COULD... SHOW YOU THE ROPES.
BUT IF I START BUGGING YOU,
PLEASE, BE SURE AND LET ME KNOW.
OH, DON'T WORRY.
WE'D NEVER LET YOU BUG US.
EVERY OLD PERSON THINKS THEY'RE SO SMART.
WHAT, THERE'S, LIKE, NO OLD DUMB PEOPLE?
YEAH.
I JUST WANNA BE OLDER SO I CAN GO TO BARS.
EVERYTHING FUN IN THIS WORLD
HAPPENS IN BARS.
YEAH. NO KIDDING, MAN.
I HEAR THERE'S THIS KICK-ASS BAND CALLED FEEDBACK
PLAYING AT THE RUSTY NAIL TOMORROW NIGHT.
BUT THEY'RE GONNA CARD, SO I CAN'T...
WHAT CAN I DO?
OH. WELL, MAYBE I'LL GO.
YOU'D BETTER SHUT UP.
[LAUGHS]
JUST 'CAUSE YOU GOT A FAKE I.D.,
DON'T GO LORDING IT OVER THE REST OF US.
YOU HAVE A FAKE I.D.?
YEAH. YOU WANNA CHECK IT OUT?
YEAH.
IT'S MY COUSIN'S OLD DRIVER'S LICENSE.
OH, MY GOD.
THIS LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU.
I KNOW.
EXCEPT IT SAYS YOU'RE 24.
SO?
I LOOK MATURE. NOBODY EVER STOPS ME.
HEY, DANIEL, DO YOU HAVE ONE?
[ALL LAUGH]
SOME STUPID BOUNR ASKED WHAT MY STAR SIGN WAS.
I DIDN'T KNOW, SO HE SNAGGED IT.
AW. IT'S CAPRICORN! CANCER!
CAPRICORN! OH!
DUDE, I HATE ASTROLOGY.
WHAT, EVERYBODY BORN IN THE SAME MONTH IS GONNA HAVE THE SAME LIFE?
HEY, YOU GUYS.
WE SHOULD GET FAKE I.D.s AND GO SEE FEEDBACK.
HOWIE GELFAND SELLS FAKE I.D.s,
BUT THEY COST LIKE, UHTON OF MONEY.
I CAN'T--I AIN'T GOT THAT KIND OF CASH.
WELL, IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT...
I CAME INTO A LITTLE BIT OF CASH.
I COULD LEND YOU GUYS SOME.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I'M LIKING HER MORE AND MORE EVERY DAY.
JOIN THE CLUB.
EW.
WHAT ARE YOU-- I'M JUST SAYING--
HEY, HARRIS. HEY, GORDON. YOU MET OUR NEW FRIEND MAUREEN?
HI. HI.
HEY, ARE YOU NEW AT OUR SCHOOL?
YEAH.
YOU SHOULD STOP BY THE A.V. ROOM.
WE JUST GOT A NEW BETA MACHINE.
THANK YOU, HARRIS. WE'RE VERY LATE, THOUGH.
HEY, MAUREEN,
TOMORR'S PIZZA DAY IN THE CAFETERIA.
YEAH. IT'S MADE OUT OF REAL TOMATO SAUCE AND EVERYTHING.
HI, SAM. HEY.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING AFTER SCHOOL? WANT TO DO SOMETHI?
YEAH.
OK. GREAT. I DON'T HAVE TO BE HOME UNTIL DINNER.
I DON'T HAVE TO BE HOME EVER.
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
OH, HI. UH, HOWIE?
YOU COME AND TAKE CARE OF THESE FINE YOUNG PEOPLE.
WE NEED SOME FAKE I.D.s.
SHH. I WORK HERE.
COME HERE.
I MEAN, WE NEED SOME SLACKS.
HELLO? ALL RIGHT.
HOW MANY DO YOU GUYS NEED?
4.
DIDN'T I JUST GET YOU ONE?
YOU LOSE IT ALREADY?
YEAH. I'M NOT INTO ASTROLOGY, OK?
ASTROLOGY. IT'S NOT ASTROLOGY.
IT'S YOU, MAN. IT'S FACTS, IT'S WHO YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE.
JUNE--CANCER, LIBRA--OCTOBER, CAPRICORN--DECEMBER.
KNOW IT. 1958. YOU ARE THEM.
YOU GONNA GIVE US THE I.D.s OR NOT?
WHO'S THE CHICK?
HEY, HER NAME IS LINDSAY, ALL RIGHT?
SORRY, BILL LAIMBEER. YOU GOT SOME GOOD TIMING.
JUST ABOUT TO GET A SHIPMENT
OF GENUINE CANADIAN DRIVERS' LICENSES.
CANADIAN? CANADIAN. CANADIAN.
I NEED TO LOOK AT YOUR FACES,
MEMORIZE THEM... SO I CAN FIND A MATCH.
BROWN EYES, BROWN HAIR.
BROWN EYES, LOVELY BROWN HAIR.
BROWN EYES, BROWN HAIR.
OK. I GOT IT.
IT'S A 100 BUCKS. HALF IN ADVANCE.
HALF OF WHAT?
I GOT IT.
A CHICK WITH MONEY. YOU GOT GOOD TASTE, STRETCH.
EX ALL RIGHT.
CUSE ME. HEY, GELFAND. YOU KNOW WHAT?
THERE'S A BOX OF PARISIAN NIGHTSUITS IN THE BACK,
AND THEY'RE NOT GONNA UNPACK THEMSELVES, ALL RIGHT?
OK, SIR. I'LL BE THERE IN ONE SECOND. THANK YOU.
I'M JUST, UH, HELPING THESE CUSTOMERS.
THESE LOOK GREAT, SIR. THESE LOOK GREAT.
OK. I'LL SEE YOU GUYS AT 11:00, HUH?
GREAT. THANKS A LOT.
HAD TO BRING THE BIG ROCKET, DIDN'T YOU?
WHAT? SO I GOT A BIG ROCKET.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, CUT IT IN HALF?
THERE SHE IS.
Neal: SHE IS BEAUTIFUL.
I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S GONNA HANG OUT WITH US.
WHAT IF I'M ASLEEP RIGHT NOW AND THIS IS JUST A DREAM,
AND ANY MOMENT MAUREEN AND I ARE GONNA MAKE LOVE?
EW.
THEN WHAT ARE WEDOING HERE?
MAYBE THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE.
HEY!
OH, MY GOD, SHE'S RUNNING TO GET TO US.
HI, GUYS!
HEY, MAUREEN.
YOUR ROCKETS LOOK GREAT.
GOD, BILL, YOUR ROCKET'S HUGE.
OH, IT IS? I HADN'T NOTICED.
I NEVER LAUNCHED A ROCKET BEFORE.
THIS IS GONNA BE FUN.
OK, CAPE CANAVERAL, READY FOR LIFT OFF.
READY TO LAUNCH THIS THING?
HECK, YEAH.
[ROSALINDA BY BILLY JOEL PLAYING]
I PLAY NIGHTS IN THE SPANISH PART OF TOWN
I'VE GOT MUSIC IN MY HANDS
WORK IS HARD TO FIND
BUT THAT DON'T GET ME DOWN
ROSALINDA UNDERSTANDS
CRAZY LATIN DANCING SOLO DOWN IN HERALD'S SQUARE
OH, HAVANA, I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR YOU EVERYWHERE
THOUGH I'LL NEVER BE THERE
I KNOW WHAT I WOULD SEE THERE
I COULD ALWAYS FIND MY CUBAN SKIES
IN ROSALINDA'S EYES
[LAUGHING]
SO, GOING TO THE RUSTY NAIL WITH NICK.
THIS IS GONNA BE, LIKE, YOUR GUYS' FIRST REAL DATE, HUH?
I DON'T KNOW. NOT REALLY.
WE'RE NOT GOING OUT OR ANYTHING.
YEAH, BUT YOU'RE DEFINITELY MORE THAN FRIENDS.
I DON'T KNOW.
WE ONLY KISSED ONCE, AND IT'S NOT--
IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
I DON'T KNOW. THERE'S A REAL CONNECTION, MAN.
I'M TELLING YOU GUYS, SHE LIKES ME.
SO ARE YOU GUYS, LIKE, A COUPLE NOW?
WE'RE--WE'RE NOT INTO LABELLING THINGS, YOU KNOW?
WE HAVE A MORE MATURE RELATIONSHIP THAN THAT.
LET'S JUST SAY WE HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING.
WELL, I'M GLAD YOU HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING,
'CAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
SO, IS THIS WHAT HAVING A GIRLFRIEND IS GONNA BE LIKE?
SHE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND AND SHE'S BEAUTIFUL
AND YOU CAN SAY AND DO ANYTHING IN FRONT OF HER?
WELL, MY DAD ALWAYS SAYS THAT'S WHAT WOMEN WANT YOU TO THINK
BEFORE YOU MARRY THEM. THAT'S HOW THEY SUCK YOU IN.
SHE'S THE KIND OF WOMAN YOU COULD CUT THE CHEESE IN FRONT OF.
OH, YEAH, BILL, THAT'S WHAT LOVE IS ALL ABOUT.
IT IS. I MEAN, YOU COULDN'T BE
IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE IF YOU COULDN'T.
THINK ABOUT IT.
THAT IS TRUE. UM...
YOU HAVE TO SLEEP WITH YOUR WIFE EVERY NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE.
IF YOU COULDN'T BLAST ONE IN BED, YOU'D GET PHYSICALLY ILL.
OH, COME ON, GUYS. YOU CAN'T FART IN FRONT OF A WOMAN.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU DO, GET UP AND RUN OUTSIDE
EVERY TIME YOU HAVE TO LET ONE RIP?
YOU'D NEVER GET ANY SLEEP.
I THINK I MIGHT LIKE MAUREEN, TOO.
WAIT. I THOUGHT YOU LIKED CINDY SANDERS.
WELL, I MEAN, I DO, BUT, YOU KNOW, MAUREEN TALKS TO US.
SHE'S NOT AS SCARY.
NO. NO. I'M ASKING HER OUT.
SHE CLEARLY LIKES ME BEST.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
YOU SEE THE WAY SHE LOOKS AT ME?
SHE CAN BARELY CONTAIN HERSELF.
YO
U JUST HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING AT HER EVERY TIME SHE'S THINKING ABOUT ME.
OK. WE'RE ALL IN LOVE WITH HER,
AND MAUREEN LIKES ALL OF US.
SO ALL WE HAVE TO DO NOW IS DECIDE WHO GETS HER.
HOW DO WE DO THAT?
THE SAME WAY WE DECIDED WHO HAD TO STAND IN LINE
FORTHE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK TICKETS.
I'LL GET THE HAT.
SAM, EXCITED ABOUT THE BIG PIT GAME ON FRIDAY?
WELL, I GUESS I HAVE TO BE.
HEY, HONEY, CAN YOU COME IN HERE FOR A MINUTE?
I LIKE PIT.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT PIT IS.
HONEY,
YOU CANNOT FORCE THESE KIDS TO SPEND TIME WITH US.
DID YOU KNOW THAT IN SOME CULTURES,
IF YOUR CHILDREN SHAME YOU,
YOU'RE ALLOWED TO HAVE THEM EXECUTED?
WELL, I FEEL SHAMED. OH, HAROLD.
I'M NOT SWINGING AN AX. I JUST WANT THEM TO PLAY PIT WITH ME.
I MEAN, IS THAT SO HORRIBLE?
HONEY, IT'S LIKE THAT OLD SAYING--
IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING, SET IT FREE.
MAYBE IF WE TRY NOT TO FORCE IT, THEY'LL COME TO US.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
THERE YOU GO.
THEY'RE FREE. LET 'EM FREE. LET 'EM GO.
[LAUGHS] SEE?
GET BACK HERE.
ALL RIGHT, BILL, YOU PICK.
WAIT. WHY DOES HE GET TO PICK?
BECAUSE I DON'T TRUST YOU.
JUST PICK FAST. DON'T TRY TO FEEL AROUND FOR YOUR PAPER.
I'M NOT. I'M JUST TRYING TO PICK ONE.
QUIT BEING SO PARANOID.
OK. NOW, WE KNOW THAT THE WORDS ON THIS PAPER
COULD POTENTIALLY CHANGE OUR LIVES. I DON'T WANT ANY--
OH, COME ON. JUST OPEN THE PAPER.
OH, NO. NOT HIM.
I'M THE HAPPIEST MAN IN THE WORLD.
OH, GREAT, BILL. NOW YOU CAN GO AND FART IN FRONT OF HER.
YOU'LL MAKE QUITE THE IMPRESSION.
WAIT A MINUTE. HE WET HIS PAPER WITH SPIT.
WHAT?
THAT'S HOW HE WINS EVERY TIME.
HE JUST FEELS FOR THE WET ONE.
MRS. MAUREEN HAVERCHUCK.
HAS A NICE RING TO IT, DON'T YOU THINK? HA HA.
[MUSICLAYING]
HEY, LINDSAY!
HOW ARE WE THIS MORNING?
I'VE GOT SOME BROCHURES
FROM SOME IVY LEAGUE SCHOOLS.
SEVERAL ARE IN COLOR.
MR. ROSSO, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?
BECAUSE IT'S MY JOB.
I'M A GUIDANCE COUNSELOR.
I'M TRYING TO GUIDE YOU.
WELL, GUIDE SOMEONE ELSE.
I HEARD THE WORDS, BUT YOUR EYES SAID SOMETHING ELSE.
THEY SAID, "I'M LOST. I NEED YOUR HELP.
DON'T LISTEN TO ME. GUIDE ME."
I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP. OK.
TELL YOU WHAT. WHY DON'T I JUST COME
AND VISIT YOU THEN IN THE PRISON--
WHERE YOU'LL BE LIVING--
AND GIVE YOU SOME REALLY GOOD ADVICE,
LIKE SHOULD YOU GET SHANKED IN THE YARD OR THE DINING HALL?
WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR BABY, WHICH PRISON GUARD
SHOULD TAKE CARE OF IT? THAT KIND OF THING.
THAT'D BE A GREAT WAY TO DO MY JOB, DON'T YOU THINK?
ONLY TIME WILL TELL. SEE YOU AT THE PRISON YARD.
ALL RIGHT. READY TO GET YOURSELF A NEW GIRLFRIEND?
NEVER BEEN READIER.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY TO HER?
I'M JU I DON'T KNOW.
ST GONNA LET THE LOVE...FLOW.
GOD, THIS IS SO UNFAIR.
HERE SHE COMES.
I GOTTA GET SOMETHING OUT OF MY LOCKER.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GO ON.
I TOLD YOU GUYS. THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE LET ME HAVE HER.
I KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO A WOMAN.
OH, WOW. SHE'S... TALKING TO VICKI.
HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?
IT'S GREAT. I'VE MET SOME REALLY NICE PEOPLE.
WHAT'S WRONG?
THE MINUTE SHE STARTS GETTING WITH THAT CROWD,
WE'LL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.
YOU THINK SHE'LL HANG OUT WITH US
AFTER HANGING OUT WITH ALL THOSE JOCKS AND CHEERLEADERS?
WHY WOULDN'T SHE?
BECAUSE THEY'RE POD PEOPLE.
IT'S LIKE INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS.
THEY'LL MAKE HER ONE OF THEM.
WE'LL SEE HER IN A WEEK,
AND SHE'LL BE ALL... [SCREECHING]
OH, MAN!
'VE GOTTA GET HER AWAY FROM VICKI!
WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO?
UM...
HELLO!
OH! ELI! ELI, COME HERE.
OH, HI! HI, BILL! HI, NEAL! HI, SAM!
HI, ELI. HEY, ELI.
ELI, VICKI APPLEBY TOLD ME
SHE DOESN'T THINK THREE'S COMPANY IS FUNNY.
[LAUGHS] BUT IT'S THE FUNNIEST SHOW ON TV!
I KNOW. THAT'S WHAT I TOLD HER, BUT...
I'M GONNA GO TALK TO HER.
OK.
DO YOU CHEERLEAD?
NO, I-- EXCUSE ME.
THREE'S COMPANY IS THE BEST SHOW ON TV.
OH? OH...
REALLY? YES.
THE ROPERS DON'T WANT JACK LIVING WITH 2 GIRLS
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT ANY DIRTY STUFF GOING ON
IN--IN HIS APARTMENT BUILDING.
THERE WAS THIS SCENE WHERE JACK HAD LOST HIS VOICE...
MAUREEN, DO YOU WANNA COME TO CLASS WITH US?
OH. SURE. UH... TALK TO YOU LATER, VICKI.
OH. OK. BYE.
SO, WHICH CLASS ARE YOU HEADED TO?
OH, CO OH, SOCIAL STUDIES.
OL. WE'RE GOING THERE, TOO.
COOL.
CONGRATULATIONS, EVERYBODY.
YOU'RE ALL OF AGE.
OH, YEAH.
WHO THE HELL IS "JESUS H. GARCIA"?
IT'SHEY-ZOOS. IT'S YOUR NEW IDENTITY.
TELL ME THAT PICTURE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE YOU.
THIS PICTURE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE ME, MAN.
SURE IT DOES, MAN.
WELL, IT'S GOTTA BE BETTER THAN MINE.
MINE LOOKS KINDA CHINESE.
YEAH. HEY, MINE LOOKS CHINESE, TOO.
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THAT?
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
THERE'S A BIG VIETNAMESE COMMUNITY
UP THERE IN ALBERTA.
THIS SAYS I'M 29.
THAT DOESN'T MATTER. MINE SAYS I'M 34.
I HAVE NO PROBLEMS. IT'S FINE.
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE US THE MONEY BACK?
THAT'S TOP-GRADE STUFF. YOU DON'T GET REFUNDS.
GIVE US THE MONEY BACK, ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT.
IT'S HARD TO FIND MATCHES FOR YOU GUYS.
NO ONE IN CANADA LOOKS LIKE YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK I'M GONNA GO WITH JESUS HERE.
I THINK I CAN PULL IT OFF.
FINALLY, A SANE MAN. GOD, THIS IS...
OH, GUYS, BY THE WAY...
TOMORROW, AT SILVERMAN'S, WE'RE HAVING A BIG SALE--
HALF OFF ON ALL DRESS SHIRTS.
MAYBE YOU GUYS COME BY, I'LL HOOK YOU UP.
BE NICE.
OH, THANKS, HOWIE.
YEAH. THANKS FOR NOTHING.
WAIT. THAT'S IT? WE DON'T HAVE I.D.s,
AND THE BAND'S PLAYING TONIGHT.
THAT WAS MY ONLY CONNECTION.
YEAH. I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY.
WAIT. I THINK I MIGHT.
MAYBE WE CAN SPLIT UP THE DAY
AND MAKE SURE THAT AT LEAST ONE OF US IS WITH HER BETWEEN EACH CLASS.
THAT WAY WE CAN MAKE SURE
THAT SHE DOESN'T TALK TO ANYONE BUT US.
HI! OH, NO.
IT'S VICKI.
WHERE'S ELI?
SAM, QUICK, GO TALK TO HER ABOUT THREE'S COMPANY.
OH, HEY, MAUREEN!
YOU WANNA COME SIT WITH US?
OH. YEAH.
I'LL TALK TO YOU IN ALGEBRA.
OH, YOU GOT PUDDING.
I LIKE PUDDING, TOO.
YEAH. I LIKE IT WHEN IT'S BEEN SITTING AROUND FOR A WHILE,
AND IT GETS THAT SKIN ON THE TOP. HEH.
HI, MAUREEN. GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
HI, BILL.
YEAH, HOW'S YOUR DAY GOING?
GREAT. I'VE MET TONS OF NEW PEOPLE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?
VICKI INVITED ME TO A PARTY.
THAT'S GONNA BE FUN, HUH?
WASN'T THAT NICE OF HER?
HEY...MILLIE...
WHAT'S GOING ON?
NOTHING. JUST GOING TO MATHLETE PRACTICE.
HAVING A SCRIMMAGE AGAINST MOUNT CLEMON NEXT WEEK.
YOU WANNA COME?
UH, NO, THANKS.
DO YOU EVER TALK TO YOUR COUSIN TOBY ANYMORE?
NO WAY. NOT SINCE HE WANT TO JAIL.
HE'S IN JAIL? HE WAS.
HE GOT CAUGHT STEALING HOOD ORNAMENTS OFF OF CARS.
THEY WEREN'T GONNA LOCK HIM UP,
BUT HE CALLED THE POLICEMAN A BAD WORD.
DOES HE STILL MAKE FAKE I.D.s?
I DON'T KNOW.
MY FAMIL
Y DOESN'T TALK TO HIM ANYMORE.
HE WAS DROPPED ON THE HEAD WHEN HE WAS A BABY.
THAT'S WHY WE THINK HE'S A BAD SEED.
Y DO YOU WANT A FAKE I.D.?
SO YOU CAN GO GET LOADED?
NO. MILLIE, I JUST WANNA HEAR THIS BAND PLAY.
THAT'S WHY THERE'S RECORDS.
DO YOU HAVE HIS NUMBER?
I'M NOT GONNA BE AN ACCESSORY TO THIS CRIME.
YOU KNOW WHERE HE LIVES. DO IT YOURSELF.
I HEARD THE DRINKING AGE
IS SOMETHING LIKE 10 IN IDAHO.
WELL, I DON'T THINK THAT'S RIGHT.
WAIT. THIS IS IT.
HOW'D YOU SAY YOU KNOW THIS GUY?
HE'S MILLIE'S COUSIN.
I USED TO KNOW HIM WHEN I WAS REALLY LITTLE.
I THINK HE'S KINDA SCARY NOW.
I THINK WE CAN HANDLE IT.
LOOK, THE PHARMACY'S CLOSED, ALL RIGHT?
I DON'T GOT NOTHIN'. I GOT NO STUFF. NOTHIN'.
UH...NO...
GO HOME.
WE-WE'RE HERE FOR THE I.D.s?
OH, THE I.D.s. THE I.D.s, YEAH.
ALL RIGHT. ONLY ONE PERSON IS ALLOWED IN AT A TIME.
ONE PERSON. YOU, McMURPHY, YOU COME IN.
YOU TWO STAY.
HE ALL RIGHT.
Y, BABIES. HEY. HEY, THERE.
DON'T PLAY WITH THAT ROOSTER!
DON'T PLAY WITH THAT ROOSTER.
THAT'S NOT A NICE, PETTY-PET ROOSTER.
I'M SORRY.
NO. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'LL BE SORRY.
VERY DANGEROUS.
I UNDERSTAND. I'M SORRY.
HEY, MAN, YOU GOT A LOT OF STEREOS.
WHERE'D YOU GET ALL THIS?
HEY, DON'T BOTHER WITH THAT.
GET--GET AWAY FROM THERE.
GET AWAY FROM THERE, MAN.
DON'T EVEN LOOK AT THAT STUFF.
OH, COOL, MAN! WHAT'S THIS?
I GOT A GREEN THUMB. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN. RELAX.
OH, COOL.
WOW, THAT LOOKS PRETTY ACCURATE.
IT'S A MASTERPIECE.
WHAT, YOU JUST MADE A STENCIL AND PUT THAT ON?
YEAH, YOU KNOW.
WOW. YOU JUST GO TO ANY ART SUPPLY STORE,
YOU COULD GET THAT STUFF, HUH?
AND THEN YOU J
UST-- YOU NEED THE LAMINATING MACHINE, RIGHT?
NO. NO, YOU CAN'T JUST BUY A LAMINATING MACHINE.
YOU CAN'T JUST GO INTO A STORE AND BUY ONE LIKE IT'S A TOASTER.
ONLY CORPORATIONS HAVE THAT STUFF.
IT'S VERY EXPENSIVE.
ALL RIGHT, MAN, IT'S SHOW TIME.
YOU CAN'T JUST GET A LAMINATING MACHINE.
WHAT, YOU WANNA GO TO JAIL?
NOW THIS IS THE HOT SPOT.
ALL RIGHT... AND, YOU KNOW...
THERE'S A WINDOW HERE, RIGHT?
I MEAN, THERE ISN'T ACTUALLY ONE,
BUT PRETEND THAT THERE IS ONE,
AND
DON'T PUT YOUR FACE OUT FURTHER THAN THAT,
ALL RIGHT?
OK. ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, NOT LIKE THIS,
YOU KNOW, BACK.
COME BACK, YOU KNOW?
THERE YOU GO.
GOOD. AND THE HAT, TAKE THE HAT--
YOU KNOW, WHAT'S WITH THE HAT?
GOOD. ALL RIGHT, NOW,
LOOK LIKE YOU'VE BEEN WAITING ON LINE FOR 2 HOURS.
LOOK LIKE YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE YOUR PICTURE TAKEN.
WELL, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
WHY SHOULD I HELP YOU GUYS AGAIN?
YOU WEREN'T GONNA SHARE HER WITH ME THE OTHER DAY.
WOULD YOU SHARE HER WITH US?
TOUCH.
SO? WHAT DO WE DO?
SHE'S GONNA BE AT VICKI APPLEBY'S PARTY ON SATURDAY.
AND YOU GUYS NEED TO HANG OUT WITH HER ON FRIDAY.
THEN, IF YOU SHOW HER THE TIME OF HER LIFE,
MAYBE--JUST MAYBE-- SHE WILL CONTINUE TO BASE THAT LIFE
OUT OF YOUR LUNCH TABLE.
OH.
WHAT ARE OUR CHANCES?
YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
WHERE DO WE TAKE HER?
WELL, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING THAT COULD COMPETE
WITH THE VICKI APPLEBY PARTY.
ALL-U-CAN-EAT NIGHT AT THE IRON HORSE RESTAURANT.
OF COURSE. SO OBVIOUS.
TO ME IT IS.
MY GOD, YOU-- YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL GIRL.
A WOMAN.
THANKS.
WHEN WE WERE KIDS, YOU WERE REALLY CUTE,
BUT, MEAN, I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WOULD TURN OUT THIS HOT.
YOU GO TO McKINLEY?
MM-HMM.
IT'S
A PRETTY GOOD SCHOOL. I WENT THERE.
I ALMOST GRADUATED FROM THERE A FEW YEARS AGO.
OH, REALLY? YEAH.
YOU HUNGRY OR SOMETHING? YOU WANT SOMETHING TO EAT?
LIKE, I HAVE SOME FREIHOFFER'S COOKIES.
YOU KNOW, THOSE ARE REALLY HARD TO GET, FROM THE EAST COAST.
YOU WANT ONE?
NO, THKS, I'M NOT HUNGRY.
IS THIS GONNA TAKE A LONG TIME, OR WHAT?
HEY, BE COOL, MAN.
YOU KNOW, THE LAMINATING MACHINE'S GOTTA WARM UP.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE BACK HERE.
BROKE MY "ONE PERSON AT A TIME" RULE.
RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, SORRY.
HEY, WANNA GO SEE YES AT COBO? I GOT TICKETS, I GOT--
YOU KNOW, RICHIE BLACKMORE'S RAINBOW IS OPENING UP.
YOU KNOW, WE COULD CATCH UP.
OH, UM... I DON'T THINK I CAN.
YEAH, YOU CAN, JUST...
ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW, GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER.
GIVE ME YOUR HOME NUMBER. I'LL CALL YOU UP.
WELL, UM...
HEY, YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND, MAN,
SO DO YOU THINK MAYBE YOU COULD STOP HITTING ON HER?
NO, NO SHE'S NOT.
YEAH, I AM HIS GIRLFRIEND.
HEY, MAN, THAT'S NOT COOL. THAT'S NOT CL.
YOU KNOW, NOW YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A FOOL
FOR ASKING FOR YOUR NUMBER.
NO, YOU CAN HAVE MY PHONE NUMBER.
IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.
I DON'T NEED TO ASK. I COULD JUST GET IT
FROM MY COUSIN MILLIE, YOU KNOW?
I WAS JUST BEING POLITE.
YOU KNOW, LET'S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH.
IT'S 75 EACH.
HEY, I THOUGHT YOU SAID THAT IT WAS 40 EACH.
DID I?
I THINK SO.
100 EACH.
LET'S JUST DO IT AND GET IT OVER WITH.
LOOK AT HOW MUCH HOTTER YOU LOOK IN THIS ONE
THAN IN YOUR REAL DRIVER'S LICENSE.
WHOA, IS THIS ONE FAKE, TOO?
NO, WHY?
BECAUSE IT SAYS YOU'RE 18.
SO, WAS LEFT BACK ONE YEAR.
WELL, I KNOW.
BUT STILL, IT WOULDN'T MAKE YOU 18.
ALL RIGHT, I W LEFT BACK TWICE.
OK, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
THERE'S NO SECRETS BETWEEN US.
ALL RIGHT.
18, THAT MAKES ME JAIL BAIT.
HEY!
YOU BETTER WATCH OUT.
I'M GONNA CALL THE COPS ON YOU.
OFFICER, I DIDN'T KNOW,
LOOK AT HER, SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S 30.
AHH! NO I DON'T!
2--2--2--2--2--2.
2, 2 YOU WANT, 2 YOU HAVE.
YES! HA HA! [RINGS BELL]
I HAVE CORNERE THE MARKET ON BARLEY.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CORN?
I'M LOOKING FOR CORN, HERE.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE CORN WENT.
HEY, YOU TWO, COME ON,
PULL UP A CHAIR.
WE HAVE A LOT OF HIGH-STAKES TRADING GOING ON
RIGHT HERE IN THE PIT.
DAD, I TOLD YOU I'M GONNA GO OUT.
YEAH, ME, TOO.
SEE YOU LATER. HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
YEAH, WELL, DON'T WORRY, WE WILL!
BE CAREFUL, OK?
[RINGS BELL]
LET THE TRADING BEGIN.
SEE, I TOLD YOU.
WE SHOULD HAVE
FORCED THEM TO STAY WITH US.
YOU WANT TO KEEP PLAYING PIT?
NO. THIS IS A TERRIBLE GAME WITH JUST 2 PEOPLE.
NOBODY'S HOME.
YOU WANNA HAVE A LITTLE SEX?
SEX?
LET'S GO.
HEY, IN THE BEDROOM.
SO, HOW DOES THIS ALL WORK?
WELL, WE ORDER A LOT OF FOOD,
AND THEN KEEP ASKING FOR MORE
UNTIL THEY GO OUT OF BUSINESS.
MY MOM SAYS THAT IT TAKES A LITTLE WHILE
FOR YOUR STOMACH TO TELL YOUR BRAIN ITS FULL.
SO YOU SHOULD EAT REALLY FAST.
YEAH, BUT THE ONLY PROBLEM IS,
THE SERVICE IS REALLY SLOW.
YEAH, THEY TAKE FOREVER ON PURPOSE,
SO YOU'LL GET FULL WHILE YOU WAIT.
WATCH HOW MUCH BREAD THEY BRING US.
YEAH, WELL, I'M HERE TO EAT RIBS,
LOTS OF RIBS.
GOOD EVENING. WELCOME TO THE IRON HORSE.
SO, I HEAR SERVICE HERE IS REALLY BAD
'CAUSE YOU DON'T WANT US TO EAT MUCH.
WHAT? I DON'T OWN THE PLACE.
I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU EAT.
ARE YOU SURE?
NO, ACTUALLY, I'M A MILLIONAIRE
AND I JUST DO THIS FOR FUN.
HEY, REALLY?
E JUST-- WE JUST WANT OUR MONEY'S WORTH.
I'LL BRING 'EM FASTER THAN YOU CAN EAT 'EM,
BUT I WANT A 20% TIP.
20? I THOUGHT 10 WAS THE NORM.
15 IS STANDARD. 20 IS CLASSY.
20 IT IS.
WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING?
I WANT SOME RIBS.
THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST NIGHT EVER.
I HOPE SO.
OH, I FORGOT YOUR BREAD.
SEE?
HA HA HA!
ALL THE WAITERS IN YOUR GRAND CAF
LEAVE THEIR TABLES WHEN YOU BLINK
OH, EVERY DOG MUST HAVE HIS EVERY DAY
EVERY DRUNK MUST HAVE HIS DRINK
DON'T WAIT FOR ANSWERS
JUST TAKE YOUCHANCES
DON'T ASK ME WHY
YOU
SEE THAT SHOW DIFF'RENT STROKES?
THAT LITTLE GARY COLEMAN,
"WHAT YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT, WILLIS?"
HE USED TO CRACK ME UP.
[LAUGHS]
MAN, I'M NERVOUS.
JUST DO IT LIKE WE DISCUSSED IT. IT'S OK.
HEY, JIMMY, WHAT'S UP?
HEY, MAN. LET'S SEE SOME I.D.
OH, REALLY? OK.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU GUYS WERE CARDING TONIGHT.
I HOPE I BROUGHT IT.
THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME.
OH, THERE IT IS.
BEING A SAGITTARIUS,
I'M ALWAYS FORGETTING THESE THINGS.
GO ON.
YEAH, THANKS.
WHERE'S YOUR MUSTACHE, JESUS?
IT'S HAY-SOOS, AND I SHAVED IT.
TOO BAD. YOU LOOKED BETTER WITH IT.
GRACIAS.
SE}OR.
HI. IT'S GREAT YOU GUYS ARE CARDING.
MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A KID AGAIN.
THANK YOU.
HEY. HOW ARE YOU?
ALL RIGHT, COME ON IN.
DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY I.D.?
NO, YOU'RE GOOD.
THOSE I.D.s LOOK NUTS!
BUSINESS MUST BE PRETTY BAD
IF WE'RE SUPPOSED TO LET THEM IN.
WHERE'S THE WAITRESS WHEN YOU NEED HE
GOT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS EVENING.
OH, MAN, I'M EXCITED.
YOU KNOW, WE WOULDN'T BE HERE WITHOUT YOU.
SO THANKS A LOT, ALL RIGHT?
YEAH. YEAH.
Man on l
oudspeaker: GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY. ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
READY! YEAH!
ALWAYS READY TO ROCK!
THEN PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER
FOR A LITTLE BAND WE LIKE TO CALL...
FEEDBACK!
[ALICE COOPER'S18BEGINS]
Lead singer:
I HOPE THERE'S A LOT OF PARTY PEOPLE OUT THERE TONIGHT,
'CAUSE WE ARE GONNA PARTY!
LINES FORM ON MY FACE AND HANDS
LINES FORM FROM THE UPS AND DOWNS
I'M IN THE MIDDLE, WITHOUT ANY PLANS
I'M A BOY AND I'M A MAN
I'M 18
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT
18, JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT
18, I GOTTA GET AWAY
I GOTTA GET OUT OF THIS PLACE
I GO RUNNING IN OUTER SPACE
WHOA, YEAH
JEEZ, I WONDER IF WE'LL EVER SEE HER AGAIN?
SURE, WE'LL SEE HER PLENTY.
SITTING AT THE POPULAR TABLE.
NO WAY. SHE'S COOL.
WE'LL BE FRIENDS WITH HER FOR A LONG TIME.
I HOPE SO.
[CAR HORN HONKS]
OH, THAT'S MY DAD. BETTER GET GOING.
THANKS AGAIN.
YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT ANY MONEY?
NO, NO, NO, IT'S ON US.
I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME. WE SHOULD DO IT AGAIN.
YEAH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
SPECIALS ARE GOOD.
[LAUGHING]
HO LOVE WITH HER?
WE'RE AN AMERICAN BAND
YOO-HOO
WE'RE AN AMERICAN BAND
WOO-HOO
THEY'RE NOT BAD.
Mr. Russo: ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT.
HEY, EVERYBODY!
I'VE GOT A GREAT GROUP OF HARD-WORKING ROCKERS
BEHIND ME RIGHT HERE, AND I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE THEM ALL TO YOU,
BUT, UH, FIRST, WE HAVE SOME SPECIAL GUESTS
IN THE AUDIENCE I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE.
ALL THE WAY FROM McKINLEY HIGH SCHOOL,
WE'VE GOT THE KEY MEMBERS
OF ANOTHER SMOKIN' BAND WE LIKE TO CALL "CREATION."
DANIEL DESARIO, KEN MILLER, NICK ANDOPOLIS, KIM KELLY,
AND THEIR MANAGER, MISS LINDSAY WEIR.
GIVE 'EM A BIG HAND.
[APPLAUSE]
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, HOLD ON, SUE, HOLD ON.
I CAN'T LET YOU SERVE OUR GUESTS PLAIN OLD BEER.
WHY DON'T YOU BRING THEM SOME OF YOUR FINEST POP,
ON THE HOUSE.
[MUSIC STARTS]
OH, I GOT THOSE UNDER-AGE INKIN' BLUES.
GLUG, GLUG, GLUG.
FINEST POP.
PERFECT.
THANKS.
I WAS JUST STARTING TO LIKE THAT GUY, TOO.
Sam: THE MOMENT OF TRUTH.
HEY, GUYS. UM, HEY, DO YOU MIND
IF I GO OVER AND SIT WITH THOSE GUYS TODA
NO, NO, NOT AT ALL.
DO YOU WANT TO COME AND SIT WITH ME?
OVER THERE?
YEAH, I MEAN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SIT HERE FOREVER
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.
YEAH, BUT WE LIKE IT HERE.
YEAH, GO HAVE FUN WITH YOUR FRIENDS.
WE'LL BE HERE IF YOU NEED US.
OK.
OH, WAIT, BEFORE YOU DO...
JUST REMEMBER,
THE JOCKS ARE ONLY AFTER ONE THING.
AND BE CAREFUL AROUND VICKI.
SHE'S A WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING.
AND REMEMBER, DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING THEY SAY
ABOUT PEOPLE IN THE SCHOOL.
'CAUSE THEY DON'T ALWAYS TAKE THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW EVERYONE.
GUYS, I'M JUST SITTING 3 TABLES OVER,
I'M NOT MOVING BACK TO FLORIDA.
HEH. WELL, WE KNOW.
SEE YOU IN BIOLOGY CLASS?
SEE YOU IN BIOLOGY CLASS.
DANCING SOLO DOWN IN HAROLD SQUARE
WELL, HAVANA, I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR YOU EVERYWHERE
THOUGH I'LL NEVER BE THERE
I KNOW WHAT I WOULD SEE THERE
I CAN ALWAYS FIND MY CUBAN SKIES
IN ROSALINDA'S EYES
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY DREAMWORKS TELEVISION, L.L.C.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF EAMWORKS LLC AND NCI
EXCUSE ME, THIS SEAT TAKEN?
IT IS, BY YOU, MY GOOD MAN.
DID YOU GUY'S HAPPEN TO SEETHREE'S COMPANY LAST NIGHT?
[LAUGHS] IT WAS SO FUNNY.
WHAT HAPPENED?
I
DON'T REALLY REMEMBER,
THERE WAS A LOT GOING ON.
OH.
JOYCE DeWITT IS REALLY HOT.
IF I WAS JACK, I'D HAVE A VERY HARD TIME
CHOOSING BETWEEN THE 2 LOVELY LADIES ON THE SHOW
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, ONE'S A BRUNETTE, ONE'S A BLONDE,
[ROCK INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING]
I'VE BEEN RUN DOWN
I'VE BEEN LIED TO
DON'T KNOW WHY
I LET THAT MEAN WOMAN MAKE ME A FOOL
SHE TOOK ALL MY MONEY, YEAH
WRECKED MY NEW CAR
NOW SHE'S WITH ONE OF MY GOOD-TIME BUDDIES
THEY'RE DRINKIN' IN SOME CROSSTOWN BAR
SOMETIMES I FEEL
LIKE I'VE BEEN DOWN
HEY. HEY.
I WAS JUST COMING TO LOOK FOR YOU.
WOW, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
THANKS. COME ON.
[LAUGHTER]
HEY, GUYS.
HEY. WHAT YOU GUYS DOIN'?
NOTHING, I'M JUST HANGIN' OUT WITH LINDS.
SO...
ARE YOU GUYS, LIKE, GOING OUT OR WHAT?
HEY, COME ON.
I DON'T KISS AND TELL.
Daniel: COOL, MAN.
THAT'S GREAT.
YEAH, NICK!
GRAB ME A PIECE!
SHUT UP, MAN. GET OUTTA HERE.
[GIRL LAUGHS]
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY DREAMWORKS TELEVISION, L.L.C.
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY REPUTATION
LIVIN' IN THE PAST, IT'S A NEW GENERATION
GO AND DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO
AND THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO
AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION
O
H, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO
NOT ME
WHAH! NO!
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO
NOT ME
ME, ME, ME, ME
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY REPUTATION
I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID OF ANY DEVIATION
AND I DON'T REALLY CARE YOU THINK I'M STRANGE
I AIN'T GONNA CHANGE
AND I'M NEVER GONNA CARE 'BOUT BAD REPUTATION
NOT ME!
YOU REMEMBER T
HOSE GUYS FROM THE BAND "DIMENSION"?
THEY FOUND A DRUMMER.
AW, REALLY?
YEAH.
I HEARD HE DROPPED HIS STICK SOLOING ONBLACK DOG.
YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT FIRST GIG.
I'M NOT JEALOUS.
I'M REALLY NOT.
I'M GLAD I BOMBED THE AUDITION,
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IF I HADN'T...
THEN WE WOULDN'T HAVE KISSED, HMM?
[NERVOUS LAUGH]
WELL, I SHOULD... GO TO STUDY HALL.
I HAVE TO CRAM FOR MY ENGLISH QUIZ.
OK. I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
OH, GEE--OWW!
OH, MAN.
COME HERE.
LINDSAY...
YOU JUST KISSED NICK!
YEAH, SO?
ARE YOU GOING OUT WITH HIM?
NO...WELL...
WE HAVEN'T GONE ON A REAL DATE OR ANYTHING.
IT'S JUST THAT...
WELL, WE WERE HANGING OUT THE OTHER DAY,
AND HE WAS KINDA DEPRESSED, AND WE KISSED.
IT'S NOT-- IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
WHAT? YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND.
YEAH, BUT TOMMY GOES TO CHURCH!
NICK IS A FREAK!
SO WHAT?!
SO THIS...
FREAKS ONLY DATE FREAK GIRLS.
AND YOU'RE NOT A FREAK GIRL.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
'CAUSE FREAKS GO ALL THE WAY.
MILLIE, YOU'VE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
WHAT ABOUT PATTY FILKER?
SHE'S A FREAK GIRL.
AND SHE HAS A BABY!
BUT I GUESS THAT'S NO BIG DEAL EITHER.
MILLIE, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, OK?
HURRY UP. I DON'T WANT TO BE LATE FOR BIO.
WHY? WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?
WELL, YESTERDAY I WAS LATE, AND EVERYONE LOOKED AT ME.
HI, SAM. [LOCKER DOOR SLAMS]
OH, HI, CINDY. HOW ARE YOU?
HO HO, HEY, MERV GRIFFIN!
NICE INTERVIEW.
COME ON BACK, LINDSAY.
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG?
NO. JUST CHECKIN' IN WITH MY GOOD FRIEND LINDSAY WEIR.
ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT?
I GUESS NOT.
SO HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING?
CLASSES KEEPING YOU INTERESTED?
YEAH, SURE.
HEY, HAVE YOU CHECKED OUT THE NEW RUSH ALBUM?
I'VE GOTTA SAY IT ROCKS PRETTY HEAVILY,
AND THAT'S COMIN' FROM A GUY WHO'S SEEN HENDRIX LIVE.
YEAH, I--I HEARD IT'S PRETTY GOOD.
SO...
I UNDERSTAND YOU AND NICK ANDAPOLOUS
ARE GETTIN' PRETTY TIGHT.
HOW'S THAT GOIN'?
MR. ROSSO, NICK AND I ARE JUST FRIENDS.
THAT'S ALL.
O NEED TO EXPLAINANYTHING TO ME.
I GOT IT ON IN A VAN AT WOODSTOCK, I'M NOT JUDGIN' ANYBODY.
WHAT YOU'RE GETTING I JUST WANYOU YOURSELF INTO.
I MEAN, WHEN YOU'RE A TEENAGER, YOUR EMOTIONS ARE RUNNING HIGH,
AND IT'S EASY TO GET CONFUSED.
I WANT YOU...TO HAVE THIS.
OH, MY GOD!
COME ON! DON'T LET THE PAMPHLET FREAK YOU OUT.
THERE'S SOME GOOD STUFF IN THERE.
I-IT'S JUST THAT YOU'VE GOT TO BE CAREFUL THESE DAYS.
YEAH, I KNOW. I KNOW.
DO YOU?
I THOUGHT I KNEW, TOO.
UNTIL ONE NIGH
T, I WAS CHECKIN' OUT THIS DISCOTHEQUE.
THE ONE AT THE BOWLING ALLEY ON 15 MILE.
I MET THIS GIRL. SHE SEEMED REALLY NICE.
WE DANCED A BIT. I KISSED HER.
ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER AND...
NOW I GET SORES ON MY LIP ONCE A MONTH.
I HAVE HERPES.
IT DEVE YOU DON'T WANT IT!
CAN I PLEASE GO NOW?
I JUST BLEW YOUR MIND, DIDN'T I?
NO! UH-UH. NO, I JUST, UM...
I DON'T WANT TO BE LATE FOR LUNCH.
OK, OK, JUST USE YOUR HEAD, LINDSAY.
THAT'S ALL I ASK.
YOU GOT IT.
MAN! THAT GORDON REEKS!
YOU THINK HE EVER TAKES A SHOWER?
Sam: MAYBE HE TAKES BATHS INSTEAD.
MY MOM SAYS THAT THEY DON'T REALLY GET YOU CLEAN.
YEAH, YOU JUST SIT IN YOUR OWN FILTH.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S SETTLE DOWN.
WE'VE GOT A LOT TO DO TODAY.
WE'RE GOING TO BE DISSECTING KITTENS.
[STUDENTS GASP]
JUST TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION.
BUT YOU WILL BE GETTING YOUR LAB PARTNERS TODAY.
Teacher: UH, McKENNA?
I HOPE I GET TO BE PAIRED UP WITH CINDY.
HEY, WHAT ABOUT ME?
PLEASE LET IT BE CINDY.
WEIR?
YOUR LAB PARTNER WILL BE GORDON CRISP.
BILL, YOUR PARTNER WILL BE CINDY SANDERS.
OH, HOW INTERESTING.
ME AND CINDY, YOU AND GORDON.
WELL, I BETTER--
I BETTER GO SIT NEXT TO MY LAB PARTNER.
WELL, THERE GOES CINDY'S GRADE POINT AVERAGE.
Teacher: BOB CARR.
SISKIN, YOU'LL BE WORKING--
EXCUSE ME, MADAM.
MAY I TAKE THIS SEAT?
SURE, HAVE A SEAT.
Teacher: ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, LET'S GO.
FIND YOUR LAB PARTNER.
REMEMBER, SCIENCE WAITS...
OH, MAN! FOR NO MAN.
LINDSAY?
I THINK IT'S REALLY GREAT THAT YOU AND NICK ARE GOIN' OUT.
YEAH. ME, TOO.
NO, I MEAN IT.
HE'S A GREAT GUY.
I GIVE HIM A HARD TIME, BUT...
YOU KNOW...
HE'S THE MAN!
I JUST THINK IT'S REALLY GREAT YOU GUYS ARE GOIN' OUT.
HE'S A REALLY GREAT GUY.
YEAH. I KNOW.
[WHISPERING] Nick's a stud... you know?
I mean, he may not seem like it,
but he is.
MR. DIZARIO,
DON'T YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO DO?
RIGHT, BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO DO THAT
AFTER CLASS, MISS YEATS.
HA HA. BE STILL, MY BEATING HEART.
[WHISPERING] I like that dress.
HOW COME YOU'RE NOT EATING?
UGH, THIS TUNA SALAD SMELLS LIKE GORDON.
YEAH, CINDY SMELLS, TOO.
LIKE FLOWERS.
[LAUGHS]
DID SHE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME?
I--I--I DON'T KNOW.
HER TONGUE WAS IN MY EAR THE WHOLE TIME.
[LAUGHS]
SHUT UP!
OWW!
NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET CINDY TO COME
AND KISS IT AND MAKE IT ALL BETTER.
Sam: YOU GUYS ARE JERKS!
OHH! HI, CINDY.
HI, SAM. HEY, NATE.
IT'S NEAL--
OK, SO, BILL, I S THINKING,
WE SHOULD PROBABLY GET STARTED ON OUR LAB ASSIGNMENT.
I HAVE CHEERLEADING PRACTICE AT 3:00,
FRENCH CLUB AT 3:45,
BUT DO YOU THINK YOU COULD COME OVER AT, LIKE...
4:30?
[CLEARS THROAT]
TO YOUR HOUSE?
MM-HMM.
I THINK--I THINK I COULD SQUEEZE YOU IN.
GREAT! I'LL SEE YOU THEN.
BYE, SAM.
CINDY'S HOUSE. 4:30.
SHOULD I WEAR HAI KARATE OR OLD SPICE?
DEFINITELY OLD SPICE.
AH, CHECK IT OUT. DONKEY BASKETBALL SATURDAY.
I LOVE THOSE THINGS.
I THINK THEY'RE MEAN.
OH, YEAH, LIKE THE
DONKEYS REALLY GIVE A CARE.
WELL, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE SOME BIG FAT TEACHER
SITTING ON YOUR BACK WHILE YOU HAD TO RUN AROUND A GYM?
YEAH, HOW DID YOUR DATE WITH FREDRICKS GO?
OOH! [BELL RINGS]
YOU WANT TO HANG OUT FRIDAY NIGHT?
UM, YEAH.
YEAH? COOL!
BUT HAVE YOU SEEN THE ELEPHANT MAN?
HMM?
THE MOVIE.
OH, OHH! THE...
GUY WITH-- THE DEFORMED GUY.
YEAH.
NO, UH-UH, WHY?
WELL, I WAS THINKING
MAYBE WE COULD GO SEE IT.
COME ON, PEOPLE, THE BELL HAS RUNG.
QUIT YOUR DILLY-DALLYING AND GET TO CLASS!
LORD AND LADY SKIPS-A-LOT,
COME ON, LET'S GO!
YES, MA'AM-- I MEAN, SIR.
[LAUGHTER]
I WAS ACTUALLY--OHH--
I WAS ACTUALLY THINKING, UM...
WE COULD HANG OUT AT MY HOUSE FRIDAY NIGHT.
MY PARENTS ARE GOING OUT AND MY BROTHERS AREN'T GOING TO BE AROUND.
AND SO, I THOUGHT, UM...
I THOUGHT WE COULD JUST HANG OUT OR SOMETHING--
COME ON! COME ON, GET THE LEAD OUT. LET'S GO!
SO FRIDAY NIGHT AT MY HOUSE?
UHH...
HEY!
YEAH.
ROMEO AND JULIET.
COME ON. LAST ONE IN CLASS,
FIRST ONE ON WELFARE.
IT'S YOUR CHOICE.
I LIKE YOUR ROOM, SAM.
OH, THANKS.
OH, WHOA! COOL SHEETS!
[IMITATES OBI WAN] "MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU."
[FORCED LAUGH] [BED SPRINGS CREAK]
ALL RIGHT...
OK, LET'S SEE HERE.
I ALREADY STARTED ON THE PLANT CELL DIAGRAM.
IT'S THE ANIMAL STUFF THAT'S TRICKY.
YEAH, I KNOW. I COULDN'T TELL WHAT WAS GOING ON
UNDER THAT MICROSCOPE.
COULD I BORROW YOUR PENCIL?
OH, YEAH. OK, YEAH, SURE.
THERE YOU GO.
HERE YOU GO. THANKS.
THANKS.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, SAM?
OH, NOTHING! NOTHING.
I KNOW WHAT'S BUGGING YOU.
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE LAB PARTNERS WITH ME.
WELL...
YOU WANTED TO BE WITH CINDY SANDERS.
YEAH--YEAH! HOW DID YOU KNOW?
IT'S OBVIOUS YOU LIKE HER.
IT IS?
HEY, DO YOU THINK SHE LIKES ME?
I DON'T KNOW. CHEERLEADERS ARE HARD TO READ THAT WAY.
UH...
YOU AND CINDY WOULD MAKE A GOOD COUPLE,
AND SHE'S POPULAR AND EVERYTHING,
BUT...SHE NEEDS SOMEONE LIKE YOU.
YOU'D BE GOOD FOR HER.
REALLY?
Cindy: THANKS, MOM.
I'M SO BAD. I CAN'T DO MY HOMEWORK
WITHOUT HAVING A SNACK FIRST.
DO YOU HAVE CHIPS OR COOKIES?
NO, I'M SORRY. MY PARENTS DON'T LET US EAT JUNK FOOD.
[HUMS]
DO YOU WANT TO WATCH TV?
WELCOME BACK, KOTTER IS ON.
[IMITATES HORSHACK'S LAUGH]
ARE YOU OK?
THAT'S HORSHACK... FROM THE SHOW.
OH. WELL, I'VE NEVER REALLY SEEN IT BEFORE, SO--
WHAT?!
WELL, I DON'T REALLY WATCH TV.
EXCEPT FOR THE MUPPET SHOW.
[HUMS] I'M SORRY, I'VE BEEN HOGGING THESE.
[CRUNCHES]
DID YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK?
MM-HMM.
OK, I'LL GO GET SOME LEMONADE.
[FART-LIKE SOUND]
THIS STUPID CHAIR ALWAYS DOES THAT.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[NO SOUND]
THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO.
FIND OUT HER SCHEDULE AND MEMORIZE IT.
THAT WAY, YOU CAN BUMP INTO HER AND SAY HI.
COMPLIMENT HER HAIR, AND THE NEXT TIME YOU RUN INTO HER,
SAY, "HEY, DID YOU CHANGE YOUR HAIR?"
PRETTY SOON, YOU'LL H
YOU'LL HAVE TONS OFSTUFF TO TALK ABOUT.
GOOD IDEA.
AND JOIN ALL HER AFTER-SCHOOL CLUBS.
A--YOU'LL GET TO SEE HER MORE.
B--YOU'LL GET TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT HER INTERESTS,
AND PRETEND THEY'RE YOUR INTERESTS, TOO.
THAT MAKES SENSE.
AND C--
VERY IMPORTANT.
YOU CAN MAKE SURE SHE'S NOT FALLING IN LOVE WITH ANYONE ELSE,
LIKE YOUR FRIEND BILL.
YOU THINK CINDY'LL FALL IN LOVE WITH BILL?!
I DON'T KNOW. BEING LAB PARTNERS
IS LIKE GETTING STRANDED ON A DESERT ISLAND.
YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN.
HEY, MAN, I HEARD KIM GOT AN "A" ON HER WORLD CIV TEST.
THAT'S GREAT. HUH?
OH, NO, THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT WAS MY GIRLFRIEND.
OH, THAT'S REALLY FUNNY.
AH, YOU KNOW WHAT, THOUGH?
OH, MAN. LINDSAY GOT DETENTION.
FOR FLIPPING OFF HER GYM TEACHER.
OH, NO, THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT WAS YOUR GIRLFRIEND. OHH!
I HEARD KIM PUNCHED YOU IN THE CHEST REALLY HARD.
OH, WHOOPS. THAT WAS ME!
OHH! AAH!
THAT WAS REALLY HARD.
I'M TELLING YOU, SHE'S ABNORMAL.
SHE EATS CARROT STICKS, AND SHE LIKES MISS PIGGY.
SO WHAT? THE MUPPETS ARE COOL.
YEAH, SWEDISH CHEF IS KINDA COOL,
BUT MISS PIGGY'S LAME.
LOOK, PROFESSOR HONEYWELL IS HYSTERICAL.
CINDY IS NOT ABNORMAL.
YEAH?
SHE CUT THE CHEESE.
OOH, MY GOD!
THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
I HEARD IT, MAN. I SWEAR.
SHE BLAMED IT ON THE CHAIR,
BUT SHE CUT THE CHEESE.
WELL, SOME CHAIRS MAKE WEIRD NOISES!
WHAT KIND OF A CHAIR WAS IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
VINYL?
WELL, VINYL CHAIRS ALWAYS SQUEAK.
IT WASN'T A SQUEAK.
IT WAS THE SOUND OF CHEESE BEING CUT.
[GIGGLES]
YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK YOU'RE MAKING ALL OF THIS UP
BECAUSE YOU WANT ME TO STOP LIKING HER
BECAUSE YOU LIKE HER NOW.
WHAT?!
Cindy: BILL?
HEY, GUYS, WHAT'S UP?
OH, HI, CINDY.
YOU CHANGED YOUR HAIR.
IT JUST LOOKS REALLY FLAT TODAY.
OH, BILL, I WANTED TO TELL YOU.
I HAVE A YEARBOOK MEETING AFTER SCHOOL,
BUT WE CAN WORK ON OUR LAB ASSIGNMENT AFTERWARDS.
OH, I CAN'T WAIT.
MAYBE THIS TIME, YOU CAN COME OVER TO MY HOUSE.
Cindy: OK.
OH, AND BY THE WAY,
I FI
LLY GOT TO SEE WELCOME BACK, KOTTER.
YOU WERE RIGHT. MR. WOODMAN IS SO FUNNY.
YEAH, I'M TELLIN' YA,
THAT GUY IS TOTALLY UNDERRATED.
[LAUGHS]
LINDSAY, IT'S A TEST,
NOT A RACE.
AND IF IT WERE A RACE, MILLIE ALREADY BEAT YOU.
[WHISPERING] Millie?
I need to talk to you.
Why?
I just do.
Yes.
REMEMBER WHEN WE USED TO LOVE LEIF GARRETT
AND WE USED TO TAKE MY DYNAMITEMAGAZINES OUT
AND KISS HIS PICTURE?
YEAH.
AND WE WENT TO SEE HIM AT THE STATE FAIR
AND CUT ALL THE WAY TO THE FRONT ROW.
IT TURNED OUT TO BE JACK ALBERTSON FROM CHICO AND THE MAN.
OH, YEAH.
THAT KINDA SUCKED.
IT WASN'T SO BAD.
IT WAS KINDA FUNNY.
MILLIE, I'M JUST SAYING THAT...
WE ALWAYS DREAMED OF HAVING A BOYFRIEND,
AND I THINK I FINALLY HAVE A BOYFRIEND,
AND--AND I THINK HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX.
YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH NICK.
ONCE YOU DO, YOU'LL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.
PLUS NO ONE WOULD WANT TO MARRY YOU.
WHY SHOULD THEY BUY THE COW
WHEN THEY CAN GET THE MILK FOR FREE?
SOME OF YOU WILL BE HAPPY TO SEE THAT,
I HAVE AFTER SEVERAL COMPLAINTS,
ELIMINATED "DISCO DAYS" FROM THE RUNNING.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
Teacher: WHO'S GOT PHOTOGRAPHS? HEY, CINDY.
Teacher: OK. HEY, SAM.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE ON YEARBOOK.
DID YOU JUST JOIN?
UH...YEAH.
I WANT TO BECOME MORE INVOLVED IN...
AFTER-SCHOOL ACTIVITIES.
THAT'S COOL.
ANY ARTICLE IDEAS?
CINDY?
UH, IT'S CALLED "DIARY OF A McKINLEY STUDENT."
IT DESCRIBES A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT'S EXPERIENCE.
GO AHEAD. READ IT.
"SEPTEMBER 3, 1980.
"FRESHMAN YEAR.
"DEAR DIARY,
"HIGH SCHOOL. SO CAVERNOUS.
"COLD, UNINVITING.
"STARTING OVER. NO IDENTITY.
"EVERYONE LOOKING, EVERYONE JUDGING.
[SNICKERS]
"THEIR EYES PIERCE MY SOUL.
"AIMLESS YOUTH, ALL TRAPPED TOGETHER,
"BUT NO ONE CONNECTING.
"EDUCATION OR ISOLATION?
CLASS DISMISSED."
Mainzer: OK.
THANK YOU, SYLVIA PLATH.
UH...IT'S... IT'S A LITTLE DARK.
WE WANT TO SELL YEARBOOKS, NOT TELL THE TRUTH.
OK.
IT WAS JUST AN IDEA.
OK.
THE NEXT THING WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IS AD SALES.
[STUDENTS GROAN]
YES, I KNOW. IT'S NO FUN.
IT'S NOT CREATIVE,
BUT IF WE DON'T SELL THE REST OF THIS AD SPACE BY TOMORROW,
WE WON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR PRINTING.
HERE'S A LIST OF THE LOCAL MERCHANTS
UM.. WE HAVEN'T HIT YET.
.MY DAD OWNS A-1 SPORTING GOODS.
GREAT!
YOU CAN START WITH HIS STORE.
WHY DON'T YOU PAIR UP WITH CINDY?
SURE.
MR. STOKER,
YOU PAIR UP WITH CARL.
CAN YO
U BELIEVE WE HAVE TO SELL YEARBOOK ADS?
YEAH. THAT REALLY SUCKS.
Mrs. Weir: HEY, LINDSAY.
I GOT SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU.
WHAT?
WHAT'S UP?SO
MEBODY LIKES YOU, THAT'S WHAT'S UP.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD A BOYFRIEND.
WHAT'S HIS NAME? WHAT'S HE LIKE?
I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING, REALLY.
[LAUGHS]
HE'S JUST A FRIEND.
A FRIEND? DO I KNOW HIM?
WELL, OPEN THE CARD.
MOM! WHAT? WHAT?
SWEETIE?
"W-A-T-E."
[LAUGHS]
MY DAD'S STORE IS RIGHT DOWN THE BLOCK.
YEAH? ALL RIGHT, GREAT.
YOU KNOW, I REALLY LIKED WHAT YOU WROTE FOR THE YEARBOOK.
I THINK IT WAS REALLY COOL.
MR. MAINZER DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.
THANKS.
AND YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
BEING A FRESHMAN STINKS.
I KNOW, IT'S LIKE...
EVERYONE PIGEONHOLES YOU AND EXPECTS YOU
TO ACT A CERTAIN WAY.
IT'S LIKE IF YOU'RE A CHEERLEADER,
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN A GOOD MOOD ALL THE TIME.
YEAH, THAT MUST BE TOUGH.
I KNOW! IT'S LIKE THERE ARE SOME DAYS
WHEN I'M JUST FEELING A LITTLE BIT CRANKY.
LIKE TODAY.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. SO WHAT? DEAL WITH IT.
ALL RIGHT, THANKS, MIKE.
AND GOOD LUCK WITH THAT BOMB SHELTER.
[BELL ON DOOR RINGS]
Mr. Weir: SAM?!
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO HELP ME OUT TODAY.
OH, YEAH, I WAS AT A YEARBOOK MEETING.
[BELL RINGS]
YEARBOOK? WHEN THE HECK DID YOU JOIN THAT?
UH, TODAY.
THIS IS MY FRIEND CINDY.
HI. NICE TO MEET YOU.
HELLO. UH, LOOK, SAM.
NOW, LOOK, YOU GOTTA PUT IN YOUR TIME.
I'M TRYING TO TEACH YOU A WORK ETHIC HERE.
NOW, IF YOU WANT TO BUY THOSE CRAZY MICRONAUT THINGS,
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO EARN THE MONEY.
OH, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD,
WHO MIXED UP THE BALLS?
UM, YOU HAVE A REALLY NICE STORE, MR. WEIR.
DAVE, BRING UP THOSE BOXES UP THERE.
UH, DAD, CINDY AND I--
WELL, WE'RE SELLING YEARBOOK ADS.
AND 1/8 OF A PAGE IS $25. DO YOU WANT TO BUY ONE?
1/8 FOR $25?!
SAM, THAT'S HIGHWAY ROBBERY!
I CAN GET A FULL PAGE IN A SUNDAY PAPER FOR A HUNDRED.
BUT THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT
THAT CINDY AND I SELL THESE.
[BELL ON DOOR CHIMES]
OH, WELL, TELL YOU WHAT.
GIVE ME A FULL PAGE.
WOW! THANK YOU, MR. WEIR.
NO PROBLEM. SAM IS MY BEST SALESMAN, YOU KNOW?
REALLY?
OK, SO WE'VE GOT 16 MORE ADS TO SELL,
AND I THINK WE SHOULD GO TO THE BIG STORES FIRST
YEAH, SINCE THEY'LL PROBABLY BUY MORE SPACE.
BUT THE SMALL STORES CLOSE EARLIER, SO--
OH, WAIT A MINUTE NOW. YOU'RE SQUANDERING YOUR MANPOWER.
WHAT YOU GOTTA DO IS SPLIT UP,
AND, YOU KNOW, TAKE SEPARATE ROUTES.
THAT WAY YOU CAN COVER MORE GROUND.
Cindy: THANK YOU.
BUT THEN AGAIN...
SOME OF THE GREATEST SALESMEN WORKED IN TEAMS.
YEAH, MAYBE WE SHOULD STICK TOGETHER.
YEAH, BUT WE'LL BOTH FINISH SOONER IF WE SPLIT UP,
DON'T YOU THINK?
YEAH, I GUESS SO.
THANK YOU, MR. WEIR.
SEE YA, DAD.
SIR, DON'T OPEN THAT BAIT.
SO I SAW SAM'S YEARBOOK PARTNER AT THE STORE TODAY.
QUITE A CUTE LITTLE NUMBER.
HMM. GOD, DAD!
WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
SHE'S CUTE.
AM I SUPPOSED TO CALL HER "MS." OR SOMETHING?
SEE, LINDS
AY, SAM'S NOT AFRAID TO SHOW OFF HIS GIRLFRIEND.
MOM!
WHAT'S EATING YOU?
AH, JUST...
LINDSAY HAS A BOYFRIEND.
OH, MY GOD!
WHAT?! WHO?
[LAUGHS]
SOMEONE SENT HER A RED ROSE.
HE MUST BE SOME KIND OF ROMEO.
YEAH, I'LL SAY HE IS.
WHO THE HELL IS THIS JOKER?
HE'S JUST A FRIEND.
NOBODY WHO'S "JUST A FRIEND" SENDS A SINGLE ROSE.
I KNOW ALL ABOUT SINGLE ROSES.
I SENT ONE TO YOUR MOTHER,
AND I KNOW WHEN AND WHY I SENT IT.
LI Mrs. Weir: HAROLD.
NDSAY, YOU CAN TELL US WHO IT IS,
AND WE WON'T MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT, ALL RIGHT?
Lindsay: OK.
OK, IT'S NICK.
NICK?! NICK?
IT'S NOT ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE BURN-OUTS.
NO!
NICK? WAS HE THE ONE THAT ATE ALL MY FRUIT ROLL-UPS?
WELL, YOU SAID HE COULD HAVE THEM.
NO, I--I KNOW. I...
WELL, YOU'D BETTER KNOW RIGHT NOW
THAT YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE NOT TAKING CAROF
SOME "WEDLOCK" BABY,
WHILE YOU'RE OFF GALLIVANTING AT COLLEGE.
DAD!
I'M WARNING YOU,I LINDSAY.
ABSOLUTELY FORBID YOU FROM SEEING THIS BOY.
WELL, AT LEAST SHE DIDN'T YELL.
HONEY.
SEE, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO HAVE A DAUGHTER AND WANT TO PROTECT HER.
WELL, I MEAN, YOU WILL SOMEDAY.
WE'D LIKE THAT DAY TO BE A LONG TIME FROM NOW.
WE JUST WANT TO BE SURE THAT THIS BOY RESPECTS YOU, HONEY.
NOT ALL OF THEM DO.
TRUST ME. I KNOW WHAT THEY'RE LIKE.
I WAS ONE OF THEM.
UGH! HE WAS.
I KNOW. YOU FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE,
BUT I DID SOME STUPID THINGS WHEN I WAS YOUNG.
HONEY.
TELL HER ABOUT KOREA.
KO...
REA.
WELL, ONE DAY...
I, UH, WENT INTO SEOUL ON A WEEKEND PASS
AND WENT TO THIS BAR
AND I HAD A FEW TOO MANY.
AND...
I FOLLOWED A COUPLE OF MY BUDDIES TO THE...
RED-LIGHT DISTRICT.
YOUR FATHER'S FIRST TIME WASN'T SPECIAL,
AND HE'S ALWAYS REGRETTED IT.
IT WAS THE WORST $5.00 I'VE EVER SPENT.
AND I WISH I COULD GET
THAT $5.00 BACK.
OHH, COME ON! PLEASE STOP!
W-WHAT YOUR FATHER IS TRYING TO SAY IS...
THAT YOUR VIRGINITY IS...
A GIFT.
HE'S TEARIN' YOU APART
OOH, EVERY, EVERY DAY
HE'S TEARIN' YOU APART
OH, GIRL, WHAT CAN YOU SAY?
'CAUSE HE'S LOVIN'
TOUCHIN'
ANOTHER
NOW IT'S YOUR TURN NOW TO CRY
NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH
NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
HOLD ON A SECOND. I GOTTA FIND MY SMOKES.
DID YOU TAKE 'EM? NO.
HEY, MAN, WE'RE GOIN' TO DES'S TONIGHT.
ARE YOU COMING?
NO. OH, HEY.
NO, ACTUALLY, I'M HANGIN' OUT WITH LINDS.
OHH, ALL RIGHT. MAKE IT HAPPEN.
OH, TONIGHT'S THE NIIIGHT!
OOH! CALL ME TOMORROW, LINDSAY.
I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS.
KEEP Daniel: SO DO I, LINDSAY.
YAWNIN' LIKE THAT, YOU'RE GONNA DISLOCATE YOUR JAW.
GUYS, WAIT UP.
HEY, SAM. YOU KNOW WHAT CINDY SAID LAST NIGHT?
WHAT? THAT SHE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU?
THAT--THAT SHE THINKS YOU'RE SMART AND FUNNY
AND YOU DON'T CARE IF SHE CUTS THE CHEESE?
YOU KNOW WHAT, BILL?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO OUT WITH HER?
WHY DON'T YOU MARRY HER? I DON'T CARE ANYMORE, OK?
I DON'T CARE.
GOD!
I WAS GONNA SAY
SHE SAID SHE THOUGHT
YOU WERE THE NICEST GUY IN THE SCHOOL.
CINDY SAID THAT?
YEAH.
NO, WAIT. NO, SERIOUSLY.
YOU DON'T LIKE CINDY?
NO. MAN, I WAS JUST MESSIN' WITH YOU.
SAM, BILL'S BEEN IN LOVE WITH MELISSA KARPINSKI
EVER SINCE HE STOOD BEHIND HER AT THE DAIRY QUEEN.
SHE WAS WEARING THIS HALTER TOP.
[GROANS]
SHE IS ONE FOXY LADY.
SHE DOESN'T CUT THE CHEESE.
[BOTH LAUGH]
COME ON! EVERYBODY CUTS THE CHEESE.
ANYWAYS MELISSA KARPINSKI IS WAY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE.
SHE GOES OUT WITH, LIKE, THE BIG FOOTBALL PLAYERS.
OOH.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
I'M GOING TO FILL OUT SOON.
YOU KNOW MY COUSIN JEFF?
HE WAS A SHRIMP UNTIL HE TURNED 16,
AND THEN HE GOT ALL TALL AND MUSCULAR,
IN, LIKE, A MONTH.
NOW HE LOOKS LIKE THE HULK.
YOU REALLY THINK I'LL FILL OUT?
YEAH, NOT LIKE ME, THOUGH.
IN 3 YEARS, I'M GOING TO BE ENORMOUS.
OH, YEAH. ME, TOO. MY DAD IS 6'3".
HEY, LISTEN, YOU GUYS.
WHY DON'T WE GO SEE AIRPLANEAGAIN ON SATURDAY?
SURELY YOU WILL.
OK.
DON'T CALL ME SHIRLEY.
[LAUGHS]
BILLY, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
A GROWN MAN NAKED?
HEY, WHY DON'T WE GO ASK GORDON TO COME WITH US?
BUT...
HE SMELLS.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW.
BUT HE'S REALLY COOL.
MAYBE HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HE SMELLS.
ARE YOU GONNA TELL HIM?
HEY, GORDON.
HEY. UH, HOW'S IT GOING WITH YOU-KNOW-WHO?
DID YOU JOIN HER CLUBS?
YEAH, YEAH.
AND WE GOT TO HANG OUT.
UH, SORT OF. COOL.
YOU KNOW, SHE SMELLS GREAT.
IT MUST BE HER SHAMPOO.
OR...DEODORANT OR SOMETHING.
WHAT KIND OF DEODORANT DO YOU USE?
I KNOW I SMELL, SAM.
W-W-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I MAY BE SMELLY, BUT I'M NOT STUPID.
OK. SO...
WHAT IS THAT?
IT'S A MEDICAL CONDITION.
IT'S CALLED TRYPTOPHANURIA.
IT'S GENETIC.
WOW! IS THERE A CURE?
NOT YET, BUT RESEARCH IS PROGRESSING.
SO YOU'RE GOING TO BE...
SMELLY THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?
MM-HMM.
BUT I DON'T MIND.
NICE PEOPLE DON'T CARE,
AND IT WEEDS OUT THE JERKS.
MY MOM SAYS IT'S A GIFT.
COOL.
YOU KNOW...
UH, NEAL, BILL, AND I ARE GOING TO THE MOVIES SATURDAY NIGHT.
YOU WANT TO COME WITH US?
OK.
I'LL TRY NOT TO STINK UP THE JOINT.
[SAM LAUGHS]
JUST KIDDING.
YEAH, I KNOW.
Cindy: HEY, SAM.
SO HOW'D IT GO? DID YOU SELL ALL YOUR ADS?
NO, NOT REALLY.
THAT'S OK. NO ONE ELSE DID EXCEPT FOR ME.
SO I'M REALLY GLAD YOU JOINED THE YEARBOOK.
I HAD A LOT OF FUN YESTERDAY.
YEAH, ME, TOO.
SO ANYWAY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER SCHOOL?
WELL, IS THERE ANOTHER YEARBOOK MEETING?
WELL, NO, I WAS JUST GOING TO GO TO SACKIE'S,
AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WANTED TO COME.
DON'T TOUCH THE HAIR!
STOP IT!
YEAH, YEAH, I'LL COME.
DEFINITELY. SURE.
GREAT.
[BELL RINGS]
ALL RIGHT. I BETTER GO SIT DOWN.
SEE YOU AFTER SCHOOL.
SEE YA.
[IMITATES CINDY] SEE YOU AFTER SCHOOL.
THANKS, SAM.
LOOK, ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T NEED ANY MONEY?
Y-YEAH, I'M FINE.
MMM, I LOVE BACON CHEESEBURGERS.
REALLY?
I KINDA EXPECTED YOU TO LIKE, YOU KNOW,
HEALTHY FOOD LIKE CARROTS.
IF I N E-YUCK!
EVER SAW ANOTHER CARROT AGAIN, IT'D BE TOO SOON.
I MEAN, MY PARENTS NEVER TAKE US TO SACKIE'S.
THAT'S WHY I HAVE TO SNEAK HERE AFTER SCHOOL.
UH...WANT SOME?
SURE, THANKS.
[INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION]
HE'S SMILING AND NODDING BECAUSE HE WANTS ME
TO PASS HIM THE BALL.
SO I THROW IT TO HIM,
AND HE DUCKS LIKE A GIRL.
[LAUGHTER]
DO YOU KNOW TODD SCHELLINGER?
YEAH.
WELL, NOT PERSONALLY.
BUT...
WHY?
I...I DON'T KNOW.
HE'S KINDA CUTE, DON'T YOU THINK?
[UNEASY LAUGH]
I--I GUESS.
OK, I'VE NEVER REALLY TOLD ANYONE THIS BEFORE.
BUT I HAVE, LIKE, THE HUGEST CRUSH ON HIM.
AT LAST WEEK'S GAME,
HE ASKED MY FRIEND JOE FOR MY PHONE NUMBER.
DO YOU THINK THAT MEANS HE LIKES ME?
HE--HE ASKED FOR YOUR PHONE NUMBER?
WELL, YEAH, BUT...
I MEAN, HE NEVER CALLED.
AND EVERY TIME I SEE HIM,
HE ACTS LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW I EXIST.
WELL, MAYBE HE'S JUST SHY.
YOU THINK?
I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S, LIKE, I'M ALWAYS SO NERVOUS AROUND HIM.
I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
IT'S NOT LIKE WITH YOU.
YOU'RE SO EASY TO TALK TO.
YOU'RE JUST LIKE MY SISTER.
THANKS.
MY GOD,
DID HE JUST LOOK AT ME?
DON'T LOOK.
Man on TV: GO, GO, GO, GO, GO!
[TIRES SCREECHING] Man: OHH!
HAVE A NICE TIME, HONEY.
DON'T STAY OUT TOO LATE.
I WON'T. BYE.
BYE.
Man on TV: WE NEED BACKUP.
SAM?
HEY, SON.
YEAH?
COME ON OVER HERE AND JOIN YOUR MOM AND DAD.
WHY? WHAT DID I DO?
[LAUGHS] NOTHING, SILLY.
COME ON. GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE.
Mrs. Weir: "WHAT DID I DO?"
Mr. Weir: COME ON.
[LAUGHS]
[POLICE SIRENS ON TV]
UM...
I HAVE HOMEWORK.
YOU CAN DO IT TOMORROW.
FAMILY TIME'S MORE IMPORTANT.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[CAR CRASHES]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[RUNNING FOOTSTEPS]
OH, HI!
Y-YOU MUST HAVE BEEN RIGHT THERE.
PERFECT TIMING.
COME ON IN.
I HOPE YOU LIKE THE MOODY BLUES.
OH, YEAH, THEY'RE REALLY GREAT.
I KNOW, THEY'RE KIND OF WIMPY,
BUT I THINK THIS SONG'S OK.
KNIGHTS IN WHITE SATIN
NEVER REACHING THE END SO...WHAT?
WOW! WHOSE BASKETBALL TROPHIES?
YEAH, THEY'RE MINE. I ACTUALLY USED TO PLAY.
OHH.
WELL, WHY'D YOU QUIT?
THEY FOUND A DIME BAG IN MY LOCKER,
AND THEN THEY KICKED ME OFF THE TEAM.
AND THEN I JUST LOST INTEREST.
WITH THESE EYES BEFORE
OH, YEAH. NO, THAT ONE'S ACTUALLY FOR BOWLING.
JUST WHAT THE TRUTH IS
I CAN'T SAY ANYMORE...
DO YOU WANT TO HANG OUT DOWNSTAIRS FOR A WHILE?
WHOA! UH...
YEAH.
GREAT.
YES, I LOVE YOU
AH
OH, HOW I LOVE
YOU
NICK, WHAT IS ALL THIS?
COME HERE.
SIT DOWN.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
LINDSAY...
THIS SONG SAYS ALL THE THINGS
THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SAY TO YOU.
IT'S A LITTLE CORNY.
BUT I MEAN IT.
LADY LADY...
WHEN YOU'RE WITH ME WHEN YOU'RE WITH ME,
I'M SMILING I'M SMILING.
GIVE ME GIVE ME...
[NICK AND RECORD] AH-AH-AH-ALL YOUR LOVE
YOUR HANDS
BUILD ME UP WHEN I'M SINKING
TOUCH ME
AND MY TROUBLES
ALL FADE ALL FADE
LADY
YOU SEE, LINDSAY,
FROM THE MOMENT I MET YOU
NOTHING ABOUT YOU AND ME
SHOULD NEVER BE RUSHED.
STANDING
I MADE THAT MISTAKE BEFORE.
BUT I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE IT WITH YOU.
BECAUSE WE'VE GOT TIME.
WE GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD.
AND YOU KNOW WHY?
LIKE A CHILD WHO HAD GROWN
[RECORD AND NICK] 'CAUSE YOU'RE MY LADY
YEAH
OF THE MORNING
LOVE SHINES
IN YOUR EYES
SPARKLING
CLEAR AND LOVELY
YOU'RE MY LADY YOU'RE MY LADY.
LADY
TURN ME ON WHEN I'M LONELY
SEE, LINDSAY,
WE WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER.
YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT OR SOMETHING?
NO.
ALL GUYS WANT TO MAKE OUT.
BUT I JUST WANT TO HOLD YOU.
SPARKLING
CLEAR AND LOVELY
YOU'RE MY
LADY WHAT'S BETTER THAN THIS?
HEY.
CAN I HAVE THE DING DONG?
SURE.
HOW WAS YOUR "DATE"?
IT WAS OK.
MOM AN WHAT'D YOU DO?
D DAD MADE ME WATCH TV WITH THEM ALL NIGHT.
THEY WERE WEIRD.
YEAH, WHAT ELSE IS NEW?
SO--SO IS NICK, LIKE, YOUR BOYFRIEND NOW?
I GUESS SO.
BUT--BUT HE LIKES YOU A LOT, RIGHT?
OH, YEAH.
I--I WISH CINDY LIKED ME.
SHE LIKES YOU.
YEAH...
LIKE A FRIEND.
OOH. THAT'S THE WORST.
I DON'T NEED ANOTHER FRIEND.
I ALREADY HAVE 2.
I MEAN, HOW MANY MORE FRIENDS DOES A GUY NEED?
[BOTH LAUGH]
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[RING]
HELLO?
OH, HI, CINDY.
TODD CALLED?
YEAH, IT'S GREAT.
HE SAID THAT?
OH...NO!
NO, NO, NO, I'M NOT BUSY.
TELL ME WHAT ELSE HAPPENED.
HEY, LINDSAY,
DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HEAVY STUFF?
"HEAVY STUFF"?
LIKE...DEATH AND THE MEANING OF LIFE?
WELL, YEAH.
WHEN MY GRANDMOTHER DIED,
I WAS PRETTY DEPRESSED.
I TOOK IT PRETTY HARD.
YEAH, YEAH. NO, YEAH.
I KNEW THAT U WERE LIKE ME.
I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO THOSE OTHERUYS.
KEN AND DANIEL,THEY DON'T THINK ABOUTAND THEY DON'T THEY'RE JOKETHINK ABOUT...
WHY WE'RE HERE
AND THEY DON'T THINK ABOUT THE THEY DON'T THINK--
THE POINT OF IT ALL.
[SIGH]
ARE YOU STONED?
[LAUGHING]
A TTLE BIT.
DO YOU WANNA SMOKE?
NO, THANKS.
OH, OK.
OH. HEY, YOU KNOW WHATWHERE IS JOHN BONHAM I'THRIGHT NOW?
I DON'T-- JOHN BONHAM?
I THOUGHT D, BUT WHAT I'M SAYING
IS THAT WHERE IS HE?
LIKE, IS HE IN THE GROUND ROTTING AWAY SOMEWHERE,
OR MAYBE HE'S UP IN HEAVEN...
PARTYING WITH JIMI AND JANIS.
LOOK AT YOU. YOU WERE SO CUTE.
YEAH. THAT'S THE, UH...
THAT'S THE YEAR I WON MVP.
WELL, WHO'S THIS?
THAT'S ME.
NO.
WHO'S THIS GIRL?
THAT'S HEIDI HENDERSON.
I WENT OUT WITH HER FOR A WHILE
BEFORE YOU CAME ALONG.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY DREAMWORKS TELEVISION, L.L.C.
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN LIVIN' IN THE PAST, 'BOUT MY REPUTATIT'S A NEW GENATION
GO AND DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO
AND THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO
AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO
NOT ME
WHAH! NO!
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO
NOT ME
ME, ME, ME, ME
DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY REPUTATION
I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID OF ANY DEVIATION
AND I DON'T REALLY CARE IF YOU THINK I'M STRANGE
I AIN'T GONNA CHANGE
AND I'M NEVERONNA CARE 'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION
NOT ME!
WHO'S LINCOLN?
OUR RIVALS.
WE MADE REGIONALS. ISN'T THAT COOL?
IN WHAT?
BASKETBALL.
WILL YOU STOP JERKING IT OUT OF MY HAND?
YOU'RE GONNA RIP IT.
GOD.
HEY.
DID YOU GUYS HEAR ABOUT THE BASKETBALL GAME?
PRETTY EXCITING.
I'M SO SICK OF ALL THIS RAH-RAH CRAP EVERYWHERE.
THESE JOCKS THINK THEY'RE SUCH BADASSES,
WALKING AROUND LIKE THEY CURED CANCER.
THEY'RE JUST MONKEYS.
[IMITATING MONKEY CHATTER]
HEY, GUYS.
HEY. HEY.
WHERE'S LOVER BOY?
NICK? I DON'T KNOW.
I THOUGHT YOU TWO RE JOINED AT THE TONGUE OR SOMETHING.
HEY, KIM, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
WOO... WOO...
ARE YOU PREGNANT?
HEY! NO!
DON'T BE SUCH A PIG.
GOD. SHE WANTS TO TALK TO ME.
EXCUSE US.
SO...ARE YOU PREGNANT?
NO.
[SIGH]
I'M THINKING OF BREAKING UP WITH NICK.
WHY?
I LIKE HIM, BUT HE'S JUST...
HE'S REALLY INTENSE, KIM,
AND HE'S ALWAYS STONED.
I JUST DON'T...
SOMETHING JUST ISN'T RIGHT.
DON'T DO IT, LINDSAY.
WHAT?
LET ME STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT.
I'LL BEAT SOME SENSE INTO HIM.
IT'LL BE FINE.
NO. KIM, DON'T.
I'LL FIGURE ITUT. IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
OK, JUST DON'T BREAK UP WITH HIM.
THE LAST TIME NICK GOT DUMPED...
HE KINDA WENT A LITTLE BERSERK.
YOU MEAN WITH HEIDI HENDERSON?
HE TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT?
NO.
WHAT HAPPENED?
NO, NOTHING. NOTHING.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW, REALLY.
[CAVEMAN GRUNT] HELLO.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.
WELL, HERE I AM.
I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER, THEN.
OK. BYE. OK.
HEY, CINDY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WE DECIDED TO DECORATE THE PLAYERS' LOCKERS
TO PUMP THEM UP FOR THE BIG GAME.
OK.
IF THIS WAS YOUR LOCKER, WOULD YOU BE PUMPED?
YEAH, I'D BE REALLY PUMPED.
DO YOU THINK TODD WILL BE PUMPED
'CAUSE IT'S HIS LOCKER.
WELL, I THINK IT LOOKS REALLY GOOD.
ALL THE OTHER GIRLS WANTED TO DO IT,
SO I HAD TO BEG THEM TO LET ME.
OH, MY GOD. HERE HE COMES.
HEY, TODD.
ME AND ALL THE CHEERLEADERS
WANTED TO PUMP YOU UP FOR THE BIG GAME.
COOL.
UM, I'LL TAKE THAT. SORRY.
LATER.
HE DIDN'T SEEM VERY PUMPED.
IF I WERE HIM, I'D BE REALLY HAPPY.
I THINK IT WAS REALLY NICE WHAT YOU DID.
THANKS, SAM. YOU'RE SWEET.
DO YOU REMEMBER HOW I TOLD YOU
I HAD A CRUSH ON TODD?
YEAH.
WELL, I DON'T.
YOU DON'T?
NO.
IT'S NOT, LIKE, A CRUSH.
IT'S, LIKE, AN OBSESSION.
CHEWIN' TOBACCO, CHEWIN' TOBACCO
SPIT, SPIT, SPIT!
WE MAKE LINCOLN LOOK LIKE
SHIFT TO THE LEFT
SHIFT TO THE RIGHT
STAND UP, SIT DOWN...
THE MASCOT IS DEPRESSING ME.
LOOK AT HIM. HE'S RUNNING IN PLACE.
WHAT IS THAT?
IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?
HE'S TRYING TO GET US EXCITED.
WELL, I'M NOT EXCITED.
I WISH HE'D SIT DOWN. HE'S BLOCKING CINDY.
HEY. TAKE 5, ALL RIGHT?
WE HAVEN'T MADE REGIONALS SINCE 1971.
ALL RIGHT? SATURDAY IS AN IMPORTANT DAY FOR OUR SCHOOL,
SO I EXPECT TO SEE SOME BUTTS IN THOSE BLEACHERS SATURDAY, HUH?
[KIDS CHEERING]
NOW I WANNA BRING UP MY TEAM CAPTAIN--
TODD SCHELLINGER.
COME ON UP HERE, SON.
IT'S ALWAYS TODD SCHELLINGER.
THANKS, COACH.
THIS SEASON'S BEEN FANTASTIC.
I WANNA THANK COACH FREDRICKS
AND GOD.
WHY DOES CINDY LIKE HIM? HE'S SUCH A JERK.
HE'S NOT EVEN NICE TO HER.
CHEERLEADERS HAVE TO DATE ATHLETES.
IT'S THE LAW.
I WANNA SEE ALL YOU GUYS OUT THERE THIS SATURDAY
TO WATCH US DESTROY LINCOLN.
ALL RIGHT!
WHAT DO WE NEED?
SPIRIT!
WHADO WE GOT?
SPIRIT!
THAT'S S-P-I-R-I-T!
THAT'S SPIRIT!
FOR VICTORY!
THAT'S SPIRIT!
TO WIN THIS GAME!
COME ON, NORSEMEN!
PUT LINCOLN TO SHAME!
SEE?
HE CAN'T EVEN FALL FUNNY.
GOOD JOB, MAN!
WHOO!
Fredricks: COMIN' THROUGH! COMIN' THROUGH!
Mascot: OWW! SOMEBODY GET THE HEAD OFF!
SOMEBODY GET THE HEAD OFF THIS KID.
I HEARD THAT STEVIE WONDER WAS JEWISH.
YOU'RE THINKING OF SAMMY DAVIS JR.
HI, SAM.
NO. I RE
AD IT IN THE NEWSPAPER.
OH,
HI, CINDY. HOW'S EVERYTHING?
NOT GOOD.
OUR MASCOT BROKE HIS ARM,
AND HE GOT A CONCUSSION, TOO.
NOW HIS MOM WON'T LET HIM GO TO BED TONIGHT
'CAUSE SHE'S AFRAID HE'S GONNA SLIP INTO A COMA.
MY COUSIN SLIPPED INTO A COMA ONCE.
AND THEN WHEN HE WOKE UP,
HE SPOKE FLUENT SPANISH.
ANYWAYS, UM...
WE'RE ALL FREAKING OUT.
I MEAN, WE REALLY NEED A MASCOT.
ALL RIGHT, WELL, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
BYE.
SAM, I THINK THAT WAS A SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE.
SHE WANTS YOU TO BE THE NEW MASCOT.
WHAT?
"WE REALLY NEED A NEW MASCOT."
I REALLY NEED A NEW MASCOT.
I REALLY NEED SAM TO BE THE NEW MASCOT.
YOU REALLY THINK I SHOULD TRY OUT?
OPEN YOUR EYES, SAM.
THAT WAS THE BIGGEST COME-ON I'VE EVER SEEN.
SHE WAS PRACTICALLY FEELING YOU UP.
Neal: HEY, GUYS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M GONNA BE THE NEW NORSEMAN.
NO. NO, SAM'S GONNA BE THE NEW NORSEMAN.
BUT SAM'S NOT FUNNY.
OH, YEAH, I AM.
AND CINDY ASKED ME TO DO IT.
IF I COULD JUST SPEND SOME TIME WITH HER,
THEN SHE'D START TO LIKE ME.
YOU WANNA DENY THE SCHOOL BIG LAUGHS
JUST SO YOU CAN HIT ON A GIRL?
THIS IS MY CHANCE.
YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS TO ME.
YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS TOME.
BEING THE SCHOOL MASCOT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY DREAM.
YEAH, SINCE LUNCH.
COME ON, NEAL.
I DON'T KNOW.
HELP ME, OBI-WAN KENOBE.
YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE.
YOU HAD TO GO AND QUOTE THESTAR WARS,DIDN'T YOU?
ALL RIGHT. SURE.
YES!
THANK YOU.
IN THE C
AFETERIA TODAY, THE SCHOOL MASCOT FELL AND BROKE HIS ARM.
IT WAS PRETTY SCARY.
YEAH. THEY OH, POOR THING.
NEED A NEW MASCOT FOR THE GAME,
SO I THINK I'M GONNA AUDITION .
OH, THAT'LL BE FUN.
YOU KNOW HOW I LOVE TO WATCH YOU KIDS PERFORM.
YOU'RE NOTOING TO THE GAME, ARE YOU?
OF COURSE WE ARE.
IT'S A BIG COMMUNITY EVENT.
SO?
SO I'M EXPECTED TO BE THERE.
I'M A COMMUNITY LEADER.
SINCE WHEN?
HEH HEH...
IT'S JUST A DUMB BASKETBALL GAME, DAD.
Jean: I KNOW WHY YOU DON'T WANT US TO GO.
YOU HAVE A DATE WITH YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND, NICK ANDOPOLIS.
I MEAN, WE'RE GONNA GET TO KNOW HIM SOONER OR LATER.
WHY DON'T WE JUST ALL GO TOGETHER?
MOM...NO.
I'M A MEMBER OF THE ROTARY, YOU KNOW.
AND THE MASONS.
AND COUNCILMAN APPLEBEE, JUST LAST WEEK,
ASKED ME TO RUN FOR THE SCHOOL BOARD.
THAT'S GREAT, DAD.
BOY, I COULD BE THE MAYOR,
I WOULDN'T GET ANY RESPECT AROUND THIS HOUSE.
[TAPPING
AP
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
BUT MY PARENTS...
GO HOME.
HEY.
NICK...WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I COULDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU.
I JUST HAD TO SEE YOUR FACE.
OK.
WELL, I DON'T WANNA GET YOU IN TROUBLE.
SLEEP TIGHT.
DON'T LET THE BEDBUGS BITE.
GOOD NIGHT.
BYE.
HEY, SAM, I HEARD THE MASCOT
HAS TO CHANGE WITH THE CHEERLEADERS IN THE GIRLS' LOCKER ROOM.
REALLY? THAT DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT.
HEY, CINDY.
HEY, SAM. HEY. UH...
GUESS WHAT? WHAT?
I'M GONNA AUDITION FOR THE SCHOOL MASCOT.
REALLY? YEAH.
SAM, BEING A MASCOT'S A LOT HARDER THAN IT LOOKS.
I MEAN, YOU HAVE TO BE SUPER COORDINATED.
I'M REALLY COORDINATED.
YOU'D BE SURPRISED.
ALL RIGHT, COOL.
BUT IT'S NOT UP TO ME.
VICKI'S HEAD CHEERLEADER.
OK. CAN YOU PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR ME?
OK. BUT IT'S NOT LIKE VICKI AND I ARE BEST FRIENDS.
SHE'S KINDA BOSSY.
I'LL DO WHAT I CAN, THOUGH.
ALL RIGHT. SEE YOU AT AUDITIONS.
OK. BYE.
YOU THIN
THERE'S A SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE IN THERE SOMEWHERE?
FOR YOUR SAKE, I HOPE NOT.
HI, HEIDI.
I'M LINDSAY.
I'M IN YOUR SPANISH CLASS.
UM, YOU WENT OUT WITH NICK ANDOPOLIS, RIGHT?
DON'T REMIND ME.
DO YOU MIND IF I ASK WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT, ARE YOU DATING HIM OR SOMETHING?
SORT OF.
YOU BETTER DITCH HIM. HE'S CRAZY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
BREAKING UP WITH HIM WAS, LIKE, A NIGHTMARE.
HE STARTED STALKING ME. HE BROKE INTO MY HOUSE.
HE GOT IN THIS INSANE FIGHT WITH MY DAD.
OH, GOD.
HEY.
WHY WERE YOU TALKING TO HEIDI?
BECAUSE WE'RE IN THE SAME SPANISH CLASS.
WHAT WERE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?
SPANISH STUFF.
WELL, YOU KNOW, JUST BE CAREFUL WITH HER
BECAUSE SHE'S A LIAR.
SHE LIKES TO SCREW PEOPLE OVER.
UM...I'M GONNA GO TO WOODWORKING.
I'LL SEE YOU.
OK, BOYS, I WANNA SEE THE FUNKY CHICKEN.
HOW FUNKY IS YOUR CHICKEN?
HOW LOOSE IS YOUR GOOSE?
SAM'S PRETTY GOOD, ISN'T HE?
YEAH, BUT HE'S NOT VERY FUNNY.
WELL, AT LEAST HE'S BETTER THAN THE OLD MASCOT.
THAT GUY WAS AS FUNNY AS A CAR WRECK.
Boy: HEY!
I--I--I WAS JUST KIDDING.
HEY, HERBERT, YOU DIDN'T FALL ASLEEP LAST NIGHT, DID YOU?
NO. MY MOM'S NOT GONNA LET ME SLEEP TONIGHT, EITHER.
YEAH, WELL, IF YOU FEEL YOURSELF START TO FALL ASLEEP,
PULL OUT A NOSE HAIR. IT'LL WAKE YOU RIGHT UP.
SO COME ON, EVERYBODY
AND SHAKE YOUR CABOOSE
YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD, SAM.
YOU SHOULD TRY OUT FOR THE MUSICAL. WE'RE DOINGFIDDLER.
YOU COULD BE A DANCING YESHIVA STUDENT.
OK, UM...
THIS WAS NOT AN EASY DECISION FOR ME.
THE NORSEMAN HEAD COULD'VE FIT NICELY
ON ANY ONE OF YOUR SHOULDERS.
BUT, UM, THE NEXT SCHOOL MASCOT WILL BE...
SAM WEIR.
IT'S ALL POLITICS!
SAM, YOU ARE SO COORDINATED!
I HAD NO IDEA.
THIS IS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN.
I'M GONNA TEACH YOU ALL MY CHEERS AND EVERYTHING.
COOL! WHEN DO WE START?
Kids: ASSASSINATE LINCOLN! YEAH! WHOO!
THIS PLACE IS TURNING INTO A CULT.
THESE JOCKS, THEY PUT A BALL THROUGH A HOOP--
WHOOP-DE-FREAKIN'-DO.
MY PAR
ENTS ARE MAKING ME GO TO THE GAME WITH THEM.
THEY'RE REALLY INTO IT.
I'M GOING.
WHAT? REALLY?
YEAH. I HEARD WE'RE GONNA LOSE, RIGHT?
I KINDA THINK IT'S FUNNY WHEN THE JOCKS CRY, YOU KNOW?
"OOOOH, THEY CHEATED!"
HA HA HA!
HERE COMES NICK.
HEY, LINDSAY... WHAT'S UP WITH YOU AND NICK?
NOTHING.
NOTHING? K
IM SAYS YOU'RE GONNA DUMP HIM.
SO IT'S TRUE?
LINDSAY, DON'T.
HEY, LINDSAY.
HEY, NICK. I'M GREAT.
THANKS FOR ASKING, THOUGH.
HEY, KEN. HEY, GUYS.
Lindsay: NICK, COULD YOU GIVE ME A RIDE HOME?
OK.
SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
SEE YA.
HEY, LINDSAY.
[SOTTO] DON'T DO IT. PLEASE.
SEE YOU, MAN. GOOD LUCK.
I'D HATE TO BE THAT GUY'S DRUM SET TONIGHT.
GET THOSE ARMS UP THERE! GET THAT CROWD TO CHEER!
...SPIT! SPIT! SPIT!
GIVE ME MORE! I WANT MORE ENERGY, SAM!
YOU'RE A NORSEMAN! I WANNA SEE POWER!
COME ON, SAM! I NEED TO SEE IT!
BE STRONG! BE POWERFUL!
I WANT PEP!
I NEED A BIGGER ENDING, SAM.
ALL RIGHT, GIRLS, FUNKY CHICKEN. LET'S SEE IT.
ALL RIGHT, HIT IT!
HOW FUNKY IS YOUR CHICKEN?
COME ON, SAM! FLAP THOSE WINGS!
I WANTED TO BE FUNNY.
VICKI DIDN'T WANT COMEDY.
...YOUR CABOOSE!
NOT FUNKY ENOUGH, SAM.
OK, THAT WAS REALLY GOOD, GIRLS.
IT'LL BE BETTER WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR HEAD ON.
YEAH. CAN I TRY THAT ON TODAY?
UM, NO. IT'S STILL BEING FIXED.
NOW, ARE YOU READY TO TRY THE PYRAMID?
UH...YEAH.
UM, OK.
IT'S PYRA-TIME, GIRLS.
UH-OH. PYRAMID.
HE'S GONNA NEED SOME POINTERS, RIGHT?
HEY,AM, SEE, UH... WHEN YOU'RE CLIMBING THEM,
BE CAREFUL NOT TO PULL THEIR HAIR
'CAUSE THEY'LL JERK UP, AND YOU'LL FALL.
OK? AND WHEN YOU'RE CLIMBING THEM,
BE CAREFUL NOT TO PULL THEIR BRA STRAPS...
'CAUSE THEY'LL WIGGLE, AND YOU'LL FALL.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
NOW, IF YOU FALL, BE CAREFUL TO COVER YOUR HEAD
SO YOU DON'T BREAK YOUR NECK, OK?
HERBERT! DO YOU MIND?
SAM, IT'S PYRAMID TIME. LET'S GO.
OK, GIRLS, HIT IT.
GIMME AN "M"! "M"!
YOU GOT YOUR "M"! YOU GOT YOUR "M"!
GIMME AN "H"! "H"!
YOU GOT YOUR "H"! YOU GOT YOURH"!
GIMME AN "S"! "S"!
YOU GOT YOUR "S"...
[DRIVI ROCK 'N' ROLL GUITAR FADES IN OVER DIALOGUE]
MAN, I LOVE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE.
YEAH? IT GIVES YOU BRAIN DAMAGE.
YOU GUYS GO TO McKINLEY?
YEAH.
NORSEMEN SUCK!
AAH!
DAMMIT! I'M SOAKED!
WILL YOU DO SOMETHING, DANIEL?!
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, BLOW ON YOU?
THAT BETTER HAVE BEEN WATER.
THAT'S ALL I'M SAYIN'.
OH, EWW! MAN!
I THINK HE'D BE CUTE WITH THAT MASK ON AND EVERYTHING.
IT WOULD BE SO FUNNY.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
OH, HI, NICK! HOW YOU DOIN'?
[WHISPERS] I'm not here.
OH...YEAH--NO. YOU KNOW, SHE'S NOT.
SHE'S, UM...
UH, OUT WITH HER FATHER.
YEAH. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING,
BUT THEY'RE OUT THERE DOING IT.
OK. I'LL LET HER KNOW YOU CALLED.
BYE-BYE, SWEETIE.
LINDSAY, I DON'T LIKE TO LIE.
MOM, I KNOW. I'M SORRY.
YOU GONNA LET ME KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON?
MOM, IT'S COMPLICATED.
I SEE.
I WANNA BREAK UP WITH NICK.
YOU DO? WHY?
IT'S JUST...IT'S GOING TOO FAST, YOU KNOW?
I NEED MY SPACE.
AND EVERY
TIME I TRY TO DO IT, MOM, I CHICKEN OUT.
I'M AFRAID I'LL HURT HIS FEELINGS.
YOU DON'T KEEP GOING STEADY WITH A BOY JUST TO BE NICE.
IF IT'S NOT GONNA WORK OUT,
YOU NEED TO MUSTER YOUR COURAGE AND LET HIM KNOW.
YEAH.
YEAH?
NO. I GOTTA GO CALL HIM.
I GOTTA GO DO IT RIGHT NOW.
HMM.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[RING]
HELLO.
HELLO?
KEN, IF THIS IS YOU, BEHERE AN HOUR AGO.
I DON'T LIKE HAVING TO WAIT AROUND.
I GOT OTHER STUFF TO DO.
ARE YOU GONNA ANSWER ME, KEENNN?
HELLO-- [HANGS UP]
HEY, HOW'D IT GO?
WELL, I THINK I SHOULD TELL HIM IN PERSON.
YE DOT YOU?
AH. REMEMBER, YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU.
I'M JUST GONNA TELL HIM TOMORROW BEFORE THE GAME.
OK. NIGHT, SWEETIE.
OH, AND...IF THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO TALK OVER,
I'M ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU.
FINE. IF THIS ISN'T KEN,
YOU BETTER NOT CALL BACK HERE...
OR I'LL FIND YOU.
HEY, HAROLD. WHAT IS IT?
I JUST HAD A CONVERSATION WITH LINDSAY ABOUT HER LOVE LIFE.
SHE DOESN'T LIKE HER BOYFRIEND.
SHE'S GONNA BREAK IT OFF.
OH, PRAISE GOD.
SHE CONFIDED IN ME, HAROLD, AND SHE TOOK MY ADVICE.
I FEEL LIKE... A MOTHER, YOU KNOW?
YEAH.
YOU'RE ON MY LEG.
OH, OH. I'M SORRY.
I JUST-- I'M SO TICKLED!
HEY, LINDSAY, YOU WANNA DRIVE
WITH YOUR FATHER AND I TO THE GAME?
YEAH. I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO THE PILLARS OF THE COMMUNITY,
ALSO KNOWN AS MY FRIENDS.
WELL, I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF SOMETHING FIRST,
SO I'LL JUST MEET YOU GUYS THERE, OK?
OH, THAT'S RIGHT. WHAT WILL YOU SAY TO HIM?
MOM, I DON'T KNOW.
WHY DON'T YOU TELL HIM HE'S A GREASEBUCKET,
AND YOU DESERVE BETTER?
HAROLD. DAD!
I'LL SEE YOU GUYS THERE.
OK. GOOD LUCK, HONEY.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
I'M SORE.
I HAD MASCOT PRACTICE YESTERDAY.
UM, DAD?
I THINK CINDY SANDERS LIKES ME.
OH, YEAH?
YEAH.
I GOT TO FORM A HUMAN PYRAMID ON TOP OF HER.
WELL, THAT'LL DO IT.
NO. I MEAN, NICK'S COOL, YOU KNOW?
IT'S JUST THAT WHEN HE GETS A GIRLFRIEND, HE JUST GOES PSYCHO.
MAYBE HE JUST GETS SO HORNY, HIS BRAIN FRIES, YOU KNOW?
NO. DUMBEST THING YOU CAN DO...
LET A GIRL KNOW HOW MUCH THAT YOU LIKE HER.
THEN THEY JUST RUN.
OH, IS THAT WHY YOU'RE SUCH A BASTARD TO ME?
YEAH. WELL, YOU'RE STILL HERE, AREN'T YA?
OH, MAN, THERE'S THAT CAR!
Kim: THOSE JOCKS FROM LINCOLN THAT NAILED US, THAT'S THEM!
GO. GO. GO. GO. BEFORE THEY GET AWAY!
GO. GO. GO!
[TIRES SQUEAL]
All: HOW FUNKY IS YOUR CHICKEN?
FLAP YOUR WINGS!
I WANT 'EM HARDER!
SO COME ON, EVERYBODY
[SIGHS] YOU SEE THAT PHONY SWORD?
THAT IS A GREAT PROP.
SAM'S NOT EVEN USING IT.
WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A PHONY SWORD?
A MILLION THINGS. YOU FALL ON IT. YOU STAB YOURSELF.
YOU STAB THE OTHER MASCOT.
THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
IT IS IF YOU DO IT RIGHT.
SO COME ON, EVERYBODY AND SHAKE
THE NORSEMAN SHOULD BE DOING SCHTICK,
ZANY DANCE MOVES, LIKE THIS.
HOW FUNKY IS YOUR CHICKEN?
HOW LOOSE IS YOUR GOOSE?
WHY IS THAT FUNNY?
'CAUSE I'M A NORSEMAN IN A CHORUS LINE.
OR--OR WAIT, THIS ONE.
HOW FUNKY IS YOUR CHICKEN?
HULA DANCER NORSEMAN.
YES. A NORSEMAN IN HAWAII. THAT'S FUNNY!
I CAN'T BE SEEN WITH YOU.
HOW FUNKY IS YOUR CHICKEN?
HOW LOOSE--
Lindsay: HEY!
YOUR DAD LET ME IN.
LOOK
NICK, I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME BECAUSE I TOLD MY PARENTS
I WAS GONNA MEET THEM BEFORE THE GAME.
UM, I WANNA TALK TO YOU. OK?
WILL YOU SIT DOWN FOR A SECOND, PLEASE?
PLEASE?
I JUST--I WANT--I WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED
WITH ME AND HEIDI HENDERSON.
YODON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
I KNOW. I KNOW I DON'T HAVE TO,
BUT I WANT TO, OK?
ALL RIGHT.
I HAD THIS REALLY HUGE CRUSH ON HER.
AND, UH, WHEN SHE BROKE UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND,
WE WENT OUT FOR, LIKE, A WEEK.
I WROTE HER POEMS...
LOTS AND LOTS OF POEMS.
IT TURNS OUT THAT SHEAND SHE WAS TRYING TO WAS JUST ON THE REBOMAKE HER BOYFRIEND JEALOUS,
AND SHE WASN'T EVEN REALLY INTERESTED IN ME AT ALL.
SO WHEN SHE GOT BACK TOGETHER WITH HER BOYFRIEND,
SHE STARTED SHOWING HIM ALL OF MY POEMS, RIGHT?
AN
SHE'S JUST SHOWING EVERYBODY MY POEMS.
AND IT W R
UL.
BECAUSE I WANT TO GET THOSE POEMS BACK, RIGHT?
AND HER DAD CATCHES ME, AND HE STARTS YELLING AT ME.
AND THEN THE COPS CAME. IT WAS--
THE WHOLE THING JUST GOT BLOWN...
TOTALLY OUT OF PROPORTION.
BUT THE THING IS, IT JUST--IT ALL MADE ME END UP FEELING REALLY...
REALLY, REALLY INSECURE...
ABOUT GIRLS.
NICK, I WOULD NEVER SHOW YOUR POEMS TO ANYONE.
[LAUGHS]
YOU RULE...
SO HARD.
LET'S GO TO THE GAME.
SHELLEY, YOU HAVE A HUGE STAIN ON YOURWEATER.
I TOLD YOU GUYS NOT TO WEAR THESE WHEN YOU EAT.
HEY, CINDY, YOU'D MAKE A REALLY GREAT HEAD CHEERLEADER...
MUCH NICER THAN VICKI.
THANKS, SAM.
SHE'S JUST SO RUDE SOMETIMES.
I MEAN, WE'RE ALL HERE TO HAVE FUN, YOU KNOW?
HEY, CINDY.
Cindy: HEY, TODD, HAVE A GREAT GAME.
THANKS. THANKS.
UH, HEY, I--I NEED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.
YEAH.
SCHELLINGER! YOU WANNA QUIT CHATTIN' UP THE LADIES
AND GET OVER HERE?
YEAH. UH, IT WASN'T IMPORTANT ANYWAY.
ALL RIGHT.
GOOD LUCK!
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT DO YOU THINK HE WANTED?
DO YOU THINK HE WAS GONNA ASK ME OUT?
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T THINK SO.
YEAH, BUT WHAT IF HE WAS GOING TO.
MAYBE I SHOULD TALK TO HIM AFTER PRACTICE.
OH, THIS IS GONNA DRIVE ME CRAZY.
I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO REMEMBER MY CHEERS OR ANYTHING.
CINDY, HE PROBABLY HAS A LOT OF OTHER GIRLFRIENDS.
SAM, DON'T SAY THAT.
TODD IS A REALLY POPULAR GUY.
I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO GET TOO HUNG UP ON HIM
JUST IN CASE, YOU KNOW, HE WON'T GO OUT WITH YOU OR SOMETHING.
I GUESS. MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I SAW 'EM. DO IT.
WHY DON'T YOU DO IT?
'CAUSE I'M A GIRL.
JUST HURRY UP, MAN, OK?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
UH--
WE'RE GIVING YOUR CAR A NEW PAINT JOB.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, HUH?
TH WHAT THE HELL?
AT'S WHAT YOU GET, WATER BALLOON BOY.
Ken: YEAH, MAN, THANKS A LOT.
YO, SOMETHING--SOMETHING TELLS ME IT'S TIME TO GO.
YEAH, KIM, LET'S GO.
THESE LOSERS ARE FROM McKINLEY.
LOOK WHAT THAT BITCH JUST DID TO MY CAR.
YOU'RE THE BITCH, MAN!
COME ON, DANIEL, KICK HIS ASS.
KICK MY ASS?
TELL MY MOTHER THAT I LOVE HER.
Vicki: HEY, SAM!
HERE'S YOUR HEAD.
PLEASE DON'T BREAK IT. IT COSTS LIKE $600.
JEEZ. IT'S HEAVY. IT'S GONNA BE HARDER TO DO THE CHEERS WITH THIS ON.
NO DUH. THAT'S WHY YOU BETTER STAY FOCUSED.
WHY DON'T YOU PUT IT ON
AND WALK AROUND WITH IT FOR A WHILE TO GET USED TO IT?
YEAH.
OK. OH, MAN.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
WHOA.
HEY, WATCH IT!
SORRY.
ALL RIGHT. SEE YA.
HEY, MAN. GIVE ME 5 FOR THE BIG GAME, ALL RIGHT?
OH, MY GOD, SAM. YOU ARE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED.
HE TODD ASKED ME OUT.
SAID THAT HE LIKED ME, AND THEN I TOLD HIM THAT I LIKED HIM BACK,
AND THEN HE KISSED ME.
AND THEN HE SAID THAT HE DIDN'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.
SO SEE? YOU WERE WRONG.
TODD'S A JERK.
WHAT?
HE'S A JERK. I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT IT'S TRUE.
HE'S NOT EVEN NICE TO YOU.
HE'S ALL COCKY.
SAM!
IT'S JUSSTUPID THAT YOU LIKE HIM.
I MEAN, JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE A CHEERLEADER AND HE'S A JOCK.
IT'S SO OBVIOUS.
SAM, JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE NERVOUS ABOUT THE BIG GAME,
IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD TAKE IT OUT ON ME AND TODD.
TRIPLETS.
Harold: LINDSAY!
WHEN I TRY TO DO IT--
COME OVER HERE.
WELL, NO, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
LIKE YOU TO MEET A FEW VERY GOOD FRIENDS OF MINE.
THIS IS COUNCILMAN APPLEBY,
STAN MILLER OF STAN MILLER MOTORS,
AND SHERIFF MacGRUDER.
THIS IS MY DAUGHTER LINDSAY.
IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU, LINDSAY.
YOUR FATHER HAS TOLD US ALL ABOUT YOU.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
SAM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GET DRESSED. THE GAME'S ABOUT TO START.
CINDY KISSED TODD SCHELLINGER.
Neal: SAM, WHO CARES?
YOU'RE THE SCHOOL MASCOT.
NOW'S NOT THE TIME TO GET ALL WEEPY.
YOU GOTTA GO OUT THERE AND BE FUNNY.
WELL, I DON'T FEEL LIKE BEING FUNNY.
YOU THINK STEVE MARTIN ALWAYS FEELS LIKE BEING FUNNY?
NO, BUT HE GOES OUT ON THAT STAGE EVERY NIGHT
WITH HIS ARROW AND HIS BANJO, AND HE KILLS.
WELL, I'M NOT GOING OUT THERE.
THEN GIVE ME THAT HEAD.
DON'T DO IT, SAM. HE'S ONLY WORRIED ABOUT GETTING LAUGHS.
SAM, HAND ME THE HEAD OF THAT NORSEMAN.
SO, UH, DALE, DO YOU THINK I SHOULD BE RUNNING FOR SCHOOL BOARD?
DEFINITELY. WE COULD USE A MAN LIKE YOU.
OH, MY GOD. WH-WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU GUYS?
WE GOT JUMPED BY SOME BONEHEADS AT LINCOLN.
YEAH. WHY?
WE TRASHED THEIR CAR.
Lindsay: THEY HAD IT COMING.
DAD, YOU REMEMBER DANIEL AND KIM, AND THIS IS KEN.
HEY.NO HEY, HOW'S--
. I DON'T BELIEVE I'VE HAD THE PLEASURE--
YEAH. MR. WEIR. YOU REMEMBER.
HOW'S MRS. WEIR DOING?
OH, WELL, SHE--SHE'S OK. LOOK, UH, LINDSAY,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST RUN ALONG WITH YOUR FRIENDS NOW, OK?
OK.
GO, NORSEMEN!
GO, McKINLEY!
TE Lindsay: BYE, DAD.
ENAGERS. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
OH, HEY, NICK. HI. LINDSAY'S MOM, REMEMBER ME?
OF COURSE. HI. YEAH. MRS. WEIR. HI.
YEAH. HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP, HUH?
OK.
YEAH. I AM SO SORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING.
YOU KNOW, LINDSAY REALLY DOES CARE ABOUT YOU.
SHE TOLD ME SO LAST NIGHT.
SHE JUST FEELS OVERWHELMED RIGHT NOW.
SHE NEEDS HER SPACE, YOU KNOW?
IS THAT WHAT SHE SAID?
UH, DIDN'T--DIDN'T LINDSAY TALK TO YOU?
YEAH. SHE TALKED TO ME.
OH, GOOD.
UM, IT WAS NICE SEEING YOU.
YOU--YOU, TOO, NICK.
HEY!
HONEY, DIDN'T YOU TALK TO NICK THIS MORNING?
WHY, WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM?
WELL, I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE NICE.
AND, UH...
MOM, DID YOU BREAK UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND?
I DON'T--NO, I JUST, UH-- OH, MY GOODNESS.
I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD YOU ANYTHING.
YOU KNOW, FROM NOW ON, JUST STAY OUT OF MY LIFE, PLEASE.
HEY, HONEY.
[TODD GROANS]
[TOILET FLUSHES]
OH, HEY.
HEY. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, I'M FINE.
ARE YOU SICK?
NO. IT'S JUST NERVES.
HEY, YOU'RE THAT NEW MASCOT, RIGHT?
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, YOU WERE REALLY FUNNY, MAN.
WE SAW YOU DOING THE FUNKY CHICKEN. WERE ALL CRACKING UP.
THANKS.
[CROWD CHEERS]
YOU ZONE THAT AREA, AND THEN YOU CAN BRING IN THE BUSINESS--
HAROLD, I THINK THAT LINDSAY'S UPSET WITH ME.
JEAN, SHH. THE GAME'S ABOUT TO BEGIN.
GO, McKINLEY! SHUT 'EM DOWN!
LINCOLN, YOU SUCK!
YEAH, TODD! WAY TO GO, BUDDY!
GET DOWN THERE! GET DOWN TO DEFENSE!
WAY TO GO! ALL RIGHT. HANDS UP.
SCHWARTZ, GET YOUR HANDS UP.
Neal: ALL RIGHT!
UGH. MAN ALIVE, THIS THING IS HEAVY.
[GRUNTS]
GO, McKINLEY!
WHOO!
MAN WI Neal: WATCH OUT.
TH A BIG HEAD COMING THROUGH.
IT'S SHOW TIME, FOLKS!
SAM, GET OVER HERE. SAM!
WEIR, GET OFF THE FLOOR!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU CRAZY?
WILD AND CRAZY!
COME ON. HEADS UP! HEADS UP!
TIME OUT. TIME OUT! TIME! GET OVER HERE!
ALL RIGHT. TIME OUT. LET'S DO THE FUNKY CHICKEN.
Neal: ALL RIGHT. FUNKY CHICKEN!
HEY. HEY, WATCH OUT.
[CROWD CHEERS]
Neal: WHOO HOO HOO!
WHOO HOO HOO HOO!
ALL RIGHT. FUNKY CHICKEN!
SAMMY IS SO CUTE!
WELL, HE MAY BE CUTE, BUT THAT MASCOT HEAD IS DISTURBING.
HOW LOOSE IS YOUR GOOSE?
SO COME ON, EVERYBODY
AND SHAKE YOUR CABOOSE
LOOK OUT. SAM, MOVE!
HOW FUNKY IS YOUR CHICKEN?
HOW LOOSE IS YOUR GOOSE?
SAM, IF YOU'RE MAD AT ME,
THIS IS A REALLY OBNOXIOUS WAY OF SHOWING IT.
LADIES, KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF THE HAT.
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING THAT YOU'RE SAYING.
Team: NORSEMEN!
Neal: HEY, WATCH IT!
"LINCOLN, LINCOLN, I'M JUST THINKING,
WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?"
[JOAN JETT'SDO YOU WANNA TOUCH ME?PLAYING]
YEAH! NOTHING BUT NET, BABY. WHOO!
IN YOUR FACE, LOSERS!
KILL LINCOLN!
YEAH. THAT'S THE SPIRIT, GUYS.
YOU ROCK.
Fredricks: LET'S PLAY SOME "D"!
IT'S CALLED DEFENSE, FELDMAN, COME ON.
Neal: OH, WHAT'S IN HERE?
MMM. TASTY.
CRY AT NIGHT
NO ONE IN SIGHT
AND WE GOT SO MUCH TO SAY
CINDY, WHERE'S SAM? WE'RE ABOUT TO DO "CHEWING TOBACCO."
HE'S OVER THERE.
OH, I STABBED MYSELF!
OH, MY GOD. HE'S GONNA DIE.
HELP ME. I'M DYING.
YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE, SAM WEIR.
UH-OH.
UGH. THANK YOU, SIR. MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?
HEY, NICK.
HEY.
WELL, I WA
S LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.
LISTEN, UH...
I'VE BEEN, UM, THINKING A LOT.
I REALLY LIKE YOU...
BUT WE'VE BEEN SPENDING SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER, YOU KNOW?
UM, I CAN'T--I--
I HAVEN'T BEENAND I HANGING OUT WITH MY FRIENDS,
HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN SPENDING TIME ON MY DRUMMING AT ALL.
AND SO, I SORT OF THOUGHT THAT
MAYBE YOU AND ME SHOULD TAKE A BREAK FOR A WHILE.
GOOD.
GREAT.
NO HARD FEELINGS, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, WELL I'M GONNA GO, UM...
PRACTICE, OR-- I'LL SEE YOU ON MONDAY.
NICK.
FOUL! THAT'S A FOUL!
[CROWD BOOS]
[JEERING AND TAUNTING]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
COME ON! COME OVER HERE! COME OVER HERE.
GET OVER HERE!
[CHEERLEADERS SCREAM]
Neal: SPIRIT!
Neal and Cheerleaders: COME ON, NORSEMEN! PUT...LINCOLN...TO...SHAME!
Neal: AH, HA HA, OH, MAN!
THEY'RE LOVING IT!
OW! Vicki: WHAT IS YOUR DEAL?
THAT GIRL JUST PUNCHED MY LITTLE BOY!
Vicki: OK, GIRLS! IT'S PYRAMID TIME.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS,
BUT YOU'D BETTER GET TO THE TOP OF THAT PYRAMID, NOW!
I MEAN IT!
Neal: AYE, AYE, SIR!
Vicki: OK, GIRLS! HIT IT!
Cheerleaders: GIMME AN "M"! "M"!
YOU'VE GOT YOUR "M"! YOU'VE GOT YOUR "M"!
GIMME AN "H"! "H"!
Neal: ELEVATOR, GOING UP!
Girl: HEY, THAT'S MY BRA STRAP!
Neal: NO, IT'S THE TEAM'S BRA STRAP!
NOOO!
OH, MY GOD, HONEY! OH!
OH, HE'S ALL RIGHT. HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
SAM, YOU'VE RUINED EVERYTHING!
WHERE AM I?
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
NEAL SCHWEIBER, AT YOUR SERVICE!
YOU'RE DEAD.
NATE SCHWEEBER, YOU'RE A JERK.
IT'S NEAL SCHWEIBER!
THE SONG IS OVER
IT'S ALL BEHIND ME
I SHOULDA KNOWN IT
SHE TRIED TO FIND ME
I'LL SING MY SONG
TO THE WIDE OPEN SPACES
I'LL SING MY HEART OUT
TO THE INFINITE SEA
I'LL SING MY VISIONS
TO THE SKY-HIGH MOUNTAINS
I'LL SING MY SONG TO THE FREE
Fredricks: ALL RIGHT? COME ON!
Boy: LET'S GO, GUYS. 1...2...3...
NORSEMEN!
COME ON! RELAX, BUDDY!
GET THE NORSEMAN OFF THE FLOOR!
WOO! WOO!
YEAH!
[CHEERING AND SCREAMING]
CINDY. HEY.
SAM, WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHY WEREN'T YOU OUT THERE?
I JUST GOT REALLY NERVOUS.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO TAKE IT OUT ON YOU AND TODD.
HE'S ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S OK.
LOOK, I GOTTA GO, ALL RIGHT?
OK. BYE.
KEEP YOURSELF ALIVE
COME ON, KEEP YOURSELF ALIVE
YOU TAKE YOUR TIME AND TAKE MY MONEY
KEEP YOURSELF ALIVE
COME ON, KEEP YOURSELF ALIVE
ALL YOU PEOPLE
KEEP YOURSELF ALIVE
NEAL, THAT WAS INCREDIBLE.
YOU'RE THE FUNNIEST MASCOT I'VE EVER SEEN.
THANKS, BILL.
NO, NO, YOU'RE A COMIC GENIUS!
UH, DID YOU SEE WHEN SHE HIT ME? WASN'T THAT FUNNY?
YOU GUYS SHOULD BE, LIKE, A COMEDY TEAM.
HA HA HA HA.
THERE HE IS. GET HIM, GIRLS!
OH, NO. HERE.
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
COME ON, PLEASE! LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS!
Vicki: YEAH, WE'LL TALK!
Neal: NO! OH, GOD! I'M A BLEEDER!